One of the best decisions I ever made in life is to practice advanced forgiveness everyday. In fact, part of my daily prayer after I wake up is asking God for grace to forgive even before I have the opportunity to be offended.  Jesus said, it is impossible, but offences MUST come (Luke 17:1), so, yes we would be offended as long as we are alive and breathing, even by our spouses. In fact, I like to remind couples every now and then that the truth is our spouses will more than likely offend us the most simply due to the kind of relationship marriage is and the proximity we share as a couple. So, lets get that clear – you will be offended by your spouse BUT how you handle it, makes all the difference.  You have the choice to either take the low road of holding a grudge against them or taking the high road of forgiveness. I tell you with all confidence that the better option is to get on the high road. To forgive is to simply let go of a grudge, and not hold the offence against the offender. Forgiving does not mean holding back your feelings and not saying how you feel to get issues resolved, because that would only lead to bitterness and resentment or even worse. However, stating your feelings also does not mean not guarding your lips so as to use hurtful and demeaning words.  Unforgiveness is a major hindrance to intimacy and the progress of the family, so much so that Jesus said, before we stand to pray, we must forgive (Mark 11:25). One of the worst conditions for us to maintain in our hearts is unforgiveness. If we don’t forgive others, including our spouses, we also will not be forgiven and that would render our faith useless. And our faith is a vital force in our Christian journey. Forgiveness is a choice; if you choose to forgive, things would work well for you but if you choose not to forgive, the results would be negative. You can choose what you will like to do but you must know that you cannot hold a grudge against someone, let alone your husband/wife, and expect God to listen to what you have to say. It’s impossible. Exercise yourself to forgive before being offended; Apostle Paul said it best, “And herein do I exercise myself to have always a conscience, void of offence towards God and towards men” (Acts 24:16).  Forgiveness is a vital part of marriage; it’s no wonder someone once said that “a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers”; it is a daily affair. So, while the offender may be wrong, you must also not be part of creating a division between yourself and your spouse, otherwise the enemy would take full advantage of it.  Remember that all he needs is an open door into your home to start his main assignment which is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). The good news is that he has lost already…. as long as you choose the high road!

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