Someone is Watching You….

watching

Children are so impressionable; what they see their parents do, is exactly what they do, at any age. How you, as a parent relate with your spouse is how your children will relate with others. You are their very first and most important human examples. They will be there when situations go right and they will also be there when situations don’t go as expected. They will be there when people disrespect and treat you wrong. They will be there when you and your spouse may have differences of opinion. They may not take much from such situations, but they will definitely remember how you react to such situations, how you settle any differences, how you handle whatever comes your way, how you respond with your words,  how you handle finances, and even how you dress. That is what they always remember; and that is what guides them in their own life.  It is important to note that whatever you don’t want them to emulate, you must never do. Don’t do the wrong things when you feel they are not watching, and then pretend to be good and civil in front of them, thinking you are smart; they are observing you more closely than you think. Keep reminding yourself that you are a living epistle read by your children (II Corinthians 3:2). There was a mother who usually dressed very provocatively and was counselled to dress modestly as a Christian woman but she felt everybody was ‘in her business‘, until her 16 year old daughter began to follow her lead. She sought counselling and kept stressing the fact that she and her husband have been speaking to this young girl but she refused to listen to them. However, her husband was the one who encouraged his wife to dress that way because he liked it. Well, these parents were told exactly what I am telling you – your children may not do what you say most times but they will always do what you do! Needless to say, before her daughter changed up her dressing style, her mother had to change hers first. Don’t let them pick up negative attributes from you; don’t let them have a flawed character based on what they have seen you do. Remember that what they learn from you –  directly or indirectly, will ultimately affect their own future! God will help us in this awesome assignment of parenthood, in Jesus name. Amen!

Which One Are You?

AnExemplaryWoman

A wise woman builds her house but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1). As a wife and as a woman, what are you using your hands to do? Are they building or tearing down? What are you using your words and actions to do? Are they building or tearing down? I believe this scripture is particularly for the woman because women set the atmosphere or mood in the home, and everywhere else. Do you ensure the home is filled with joy, peace, laughter at every point in time? Or are you part of the challenges in the home? You may find your husband and children difficult, but are you a solution bearer or are you among the complainer, grumbler, or fault finder? A woman who is wise knows fully well that peace of mind is something she can either give or take away by her thoughts, attitude and words. Consciously ensure everything you do is positive. Let everything about you always be with grace. Colossians 4:6 tells us “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man”. There is a reason why there are a number of scriptures particularly about the  women; we are told about the wise woman, the foolish woman, the brawling or argumentative woman (Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 25:24), the woman who lacks discretion (Proverbs 11:22), the excellent wife (Proverbs 12:4), the wife that brings favour (Proverbs 18:22), the submissive wife (Ephesians 5:22-24, the prudent wife (Proverbs 19:14) and of course the very popular Proverbs 31 woman. Women are either part of the many problems in the family and society at large, or they are the solution providers! Which one are you? Be a value adding woman, be a positive reference point for other women looking for role models, be a positive reference point for other husbands to point their wives to; strive to be an exemplary woman! Remember that it is the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit that God treasures (1 Peter 3:4) not anything else. God has given you the grace to be an exemplary woman therefore tap into it and begin to put that grace to work. You will begin to see your desired changes as you do it unto God, and not man. Married or single, this applies. Husbands are not exempted from behaving wisely but this word is particularly for my sweet ladies across the globe. May God help your understanding in Jesus name. Amen!

A Perfect Marriage is Yours…

perfectmarriage

Do you know you can actually have a PERFECT marriage? How can you do that with two imperfect people, you may ask? Well, the definition of perfect is “having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be” and “making something completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such a condition as possible”. We have complicated the meaning of perfect that people see it as absolutely impossible. The good news is that perfection is absolutely possible in your marriage as far as God is concerned. We all have our shortcomings however the beauty and uniqueness of marriage is that we can trade our weaknesses for the strengths of your spouse and vice versa. The beauty of marriage is that we help each other; we make up for the shortcomings of our spouse. The same way, I trade my weaknesses for the power of God to be made perfect in me (2 Corinthians 12:9), if I see the weaknesses of my husband as an opportunity for me to help him by using my strengths, and not nag about it, we become stronger together – we become perfect together! Marriage is one of the most rewarding experiences we would ever have in this life and it bothers me when I see couples against each other. Learn to love your spouse perfectly! God does not only want your marriage to be acceptable or just good; it should be perfect. It should be desired by others, it should be free from defects and faults, it should be an EXAMPLE! It should be strong enough to cause others to come to the knowledge and acceptance of Christ – that is a perfect marriage and that can be your reality. Don’t be satisfied with an average marriage – life is too short to do that! Receive grace from above and work on your marriage until it becomes as good as it is possible to be in God’s eyes. My prayer for you is that your mind is renewed to the point that you see the covenant of marriage through Gods eyes and not base it on the experiences and stories of others. Indeed while others may be cast down, you and your household will remain lifted. While others may have caved in under the marital challenges that come their way, the story of your family life would be one with a difference! Remember, nothing works until you work it, so get to work!

BEWARE OF COMPARISON…

comparison

One of the worst things that any husband or wife can do is to compare their spouse to another man or woman. The truth is that the moment you start comparing your spouse to another person, that is the moment trouble begins. Comparison has the power to consume you if you let it; it shows in your attitude and behaviour (mostly negative) towards your spouse; it keeps you in discontentment. While there is nothing wrong with desiring that your spouse exhibits positive traits you may see in someone else, there is everything wrong with nagging him or her, and dwelling on their weaknesses. Your spouse is yours and it is important to focus on their strengths and HELP them in their weak areas. Making them feel inadequate will only lower their self-esteem and frustrate them; and it would eventually affect your relationship. Instead, magnify their strengths, affirm them, encourage them, use The Word of God to frame them and then practically do something to help them become better. Use the instrument of wisdom to achieve this, and give them time to get there. The making of your husband/wife is in your own hands therefore see it as your responsibility to make them what you want them to be. By comparing them to another person, you have simply said he/she is not good enough and you can do better. In actual fact, whoever you may be comparing them to has their own weaknesses also. You just don’t have the privilege of seeing them up, close and personal. IT MAY EVEN BE WORSE THAN YOU THINK! Beware of comparison; it is the game of fools; don’t give the enemy the power to trap you in discontentment. No wonder the bible tells us that anyone who compares, exhibits foolishness (II Corinthians 10:12). Learn to accept and celebrate the uniqueness of your spouse and discipline yourself to see their strengths and focus them. Remember that whatever you focus on is what will magnify. Ask God for the grace to be content with your own spouse and do what you can to help them become better. God will help you in Jesus name. Amen.

Count The Cost….Pay The Price!

countthecost

I have found that most times, couples who are experiencing conflicts, strife, confusion, etc within their marriages did either not get any counselling, did not get godly counsel, or did not do adequate research on what is required of them to have a blissful home.  The truth is that most, if not all of us go into marriage with the intention of building a formidable family life but when some get halfway and realise that marriage is much more than just holding hands, strolling in the park and saying sweet nothings into each other’s ears, they wake up,  raise their hands up and even make statements such as “I didn’t bargain for this”. They begin to look for all kinds of excuses to free themselves from the marriage. I heard somebody say that marriage is the only institution where you get a certificate first before you begin the course – in just about 15 minutes or even less, and the sweating begins, but that should not be so; to sweat in marriage is not God’s ideal! However the price you are willing to pay determines your experience. Before you can pay the price, you must know the cost. I like to tell couples to always have a blueprint (A detailed plan, a design, and a scheme) of their intended home from the very beginning. Periodically, before and while in marriage, sit down, review that plan and make necessary adjustments. Get a picture of your home according to the word of God. Jesus said “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it” (Luke 14:28). Irrespective of where we are in your journey of marriage, this applies to you and I. As a single, count the cost, and as a married man or woman, be determined to keep paying the price for a crisis free home. As long as we are alive, there is always somewhere called forward, even in marriage. It is my prayer that as you do what is required of you, God will ensure you have a sweat-less and not a sweat-filled marital journey in Jesus name. Amen!

TAINTED BEAUTY….

PIG

I actually believe that every woman is supposed to be quite gentle, so any time I see a woman who talks or behaves without discretion, I cringe, especially if she is married because I can only imagine what her husband may have to deal with. No man wants a wife whose mouth has no boundaries; such a woman will be be prone to gossiping about, and with others, backbiting, nagging, being quarrelsome and ultimately showing her husband no respect and honour, thereby bringing crisis into the home. 1 Peter tells us about the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit being of great price to God (1 Peter 3:4); and that verse comes after we, the women are advised not to pay too much attention to our outward appearance but to be more concerned about the inner man. I believe that should be practiced by every woman because no matter how beautiful a woman may be, the words of her mouth will either build up or tear down those around her, her attitude determine the happenings in the home; her beauty will get lost in all the filthiness associated with any negative behaviour; in summary, her beauty gets tainted by such things. Proverbs 11:22 paints the best picture; it says “as a jewel of gold in a swines snout, so is a beautiful woman which is without discretion“….. If a gold ring is in a pig’s nose, it wouldn’t be very pretty because the filth that we associate pigs with will quickly taint the beauty of the ring. I am sure you don’t find the image above appealing. Well, that is exactly how God feels about any woman who is not discreet, and does not guard her mouth. This is so key because the mouths of many women have brought their homes to ruin. Remember that Jesus was meek and lowly, that is why God exalted Him to the highest place; all you need to do is always ask God for wisdom to be evident in every word that you speak. So, as a woman, whether single or married, no matter the situation, the next time you find yourself tempted to gossip, slander, disrespect, quarrel, etc, remind yourself that if you fall for that temptation, you look exactly like a pig! I believe that should be enough to stop you; it’s definitely more than enough to keep me in check.  Nothing would be allowed to taint my beauty!