Playback….

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A short reminder for all the parents who read this blog:

Your child’s mind is like a video camera. It is recording everything just as it sees and hears it. A playback of the ‘recording’ will show you the impact of what you say and how you say it, and the impact of what you do and how you do it.

Let your child see God in you and playback God through their behaviour!!

Say n-o to s-e-x…

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Sex may be good, it may feel great and it may be exciting BUT it was designed by God EXCLUSIVELY for the M-A-R-R-I-E-D. The devil has perverted this beautiful creation by God and has made sex a free for all gift and unfortunately, the world has accepted it as the norm. It is so common that even those who claim to be bible believing Christians are engaged in physical intimacy forgetting that the same bible clearly tells us that marriage is honourable when the bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13:4).  Many have taken the honour out of their marriages by being physically intimate before stepping into the marriage covenant and I tend to tell singles that anyone who wants to sleep with you before marriage is looking for a way to destroy your destiny in Christ; run from such a person as fast as you can. Say N-O to S-E-X before marriage! Use your courtship days to discuss real things that can affect your future marriage and family. The response I tend to get is “it is easier said than done”. Agreed! That is why the bible tells us to flee all appearances of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22). How can you do that? Have boundaries; no healthy relationship can stand without having set boundaries as part of the foundation. Boundaries keep you in check and prevent you as a Christian from tarnishing your testimony. During our courtship (which was for 4 short years), my husband and I always made sure we were not alone in enclosed spaces. We lived about 2 and half hours from each other at one point and anytime we visited each other, we talked about our future, our visions, and other things. We engaged in sporting activities such as tennis and jogging, and at one point, we started taking prayer walks together. He never once spent the night in my place and neither did I, at his place. I remember a particular day when it was snowing but that was no excuse. He was either going to go home or lodge in a hotel nearby: he ended up going home. If we were casual about that particular day, that would have only been the beginning. A lack of boundaries always takes you further than you mean to go and keeps you there longer than you mean to stay. Crossing boundaries during courtship will destroy a pure relationship no matter how spiritual you may be. So, you must be vigilant. I would like to point out that if he did stay over on that day, it would not have been a big deal as far as others may have been concerned; but,  because we had a conviction in our hearts personally, whether anybody was aware of it or not, it helped us stick to the boundaries we had set. I personally believe that is part of what has helped us build a glorious home so far. Don’t follow the world’s way of doing things; set your own standard based on The Word of God to help you maintain a colourful testimony. You never know where you may end up in life and you must be able to stand as an instrument of God to prove that it is possible to say N-O to S-E-X before marriage!!

Enjoy your singlehood….

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SINGLEHOOD is not equal to being REJECTED

SINGLEHOOD is not equal to being UNLOVED

SINGLEHOOD is not equal to being DEJECTED

SINGLEHOOD is not equal to being DISQUALIFIED

SINGLEHOOD is not equal to being EXCLUDED

SINGLEHOOD is not equal to being DESPISED

SINGLEHOOD should not be equal to being UNHAPPY

SINGLEHOOD should not be equal to being MISERABLE

SINGLEHOOD should not be equal to being JEALOUS

SINGLEHOOD is a precious season of life.

Use that precious season wisely, enjoy this season – you will NEVER get it back. Do not let anyone make you feel like a 2nd class citizen.

Work on loving yourself and accepting yourself in your single days.  Prepare yourself adequately and open up your spiritual eyes wide to see the next season (marriage) by faith.

Desire marriage, want marriage but please know that being married does not make you any more valuable in the eyes of God.

Enjoy your Singlehood to the fullest – it’s a season you will NEVER get back again!

 

Speak Scriptures….

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If you have wayward children, rather than scream all day at them or to whoever will listen, PRAY; Locate Scriptures to speak continuously over them. Why weep as if hope is totally lost, particularly if you are a Christian parent? You have what you need. Prophesy into the life of that child. Speak the Word of God with faith and authority. For instance, say:

Hear, my child, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding in Jesus name – Proverbs 4:1

Hear me now therefore, O my child, and depart not from the words of my mouth in Jesus name – Proverbs 5:7

Come, my children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of The Lord – Psalm 34:11

Stand together with your spouse; don’t accuse each other of whose fault it is. What you need to be is united, looking up to God for help. Most couples are against each other over wayward children ignorant of the fact that the enemy uses it a a tactic to divide your home even further. Don’t fall for it!

Even if your children are not wayward, pray in order to secure a glorious destiny for them.

One of the major scriptures I use on my children is Hebrews 11:3. Use it too. Say

As the worlds were framed by the Word of God, I use that same Word to frame you my child.

You are a source of blessing to me.
You will be the joy of many generations.
You will not be a victim of peer pressure.
You will be first among your equals
Your destiny will not be frustrated.
You will not fall into the hands of wicked and unreasonable men/women
I come against any friendship that will take you down in life.
You will serve God all the days of your life!

Prophesy over them establishing their glorious future.

Another favourite scripture of mine: Isaiah 54:13 – All your children shall be taught of The Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

Their education shall be full of peace
Their careers shall be full of peace
Their marriage and family life shall be full of peace,
And the list goes on and on..

Do not confess negatively over your children. They may do wrong, but don’t speak wrong. The wrong words will never produce right results!

Ask God for wisdom to guide and discipline them in love according to the scriptures. Teach them bible truths.

The word of God is in your hand; use it. Put it in your mouth, ingest it into your spirit and release it in faith. Don’t sit back and watch your child’s life be destroyed. It doesn’t matter how old they are, it doesn’t matter if they are still under your tutelage or not. Keep standing in the gap for them; their life depends on it. What you say about your children, is exactly what you will see. The word of God CANNOT return void and unaccomplished!!!

 

Help Her….

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I think it is important that every husband and potential husband out there  encourages their wives or potential wives to discover and pursue her purpose in life. Don’t confine her to being a housewife or stay at home mother.  While I understand that it may have to happen for a season, remember that the children will become independent and begin to chart their own course in life. When that happens, if your wife was not working towards her assignment in life, she would be frustrated and sometimes bitter towards you, and towards the children.  Ask her what her dreams and visions are, and assist her in bringing them to life. Challenge her and counsel her to develop herself continuously; challenge her to find the gift God has deposited in her, and help her share that gift with the world. Apart from being wives and mothers, God expects the lives of others to be touched through every woman; we too were formed with a purpose to fulfil (Jeremiah 1:5). Many women don’t move towards their visions because they lack support from their husbands. Sit down and work out a reasonable and achievable plan with her that ensures she balances all her responsibilities effectively. Whatever you do, give her room to discover her design, pursue it and fulfil it to the maximum. Please know that a woman that is fulfilled makes a more effective wife and mother!

To love, is to discipline…..

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My father in law has a saying – “The child you pamper today, will tamper with your peace tomorrow” . That is the whole truth and nothing but the truth! To pamper means to overindulge a person, giving in to their every request at every point in time. Many parents have a hard time not pampering their children, particularly when they are young. They find that it’s easier to give in to their requests rather than set boundaries for them. I am a parent, so I can relate to that, however I have learnt that if I want my children to be assets and not liabilities to my family and society at large, I must be willing to practice the art of discipline on them.  The bible says in Proverbs 29:17 – “Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire”. To love our children is to discipline them. If you fail to discipline them, you have let them down in life.  To discipline means to train a person to obey rules or a code of behaviour. If your children must turn out well in life, discipline cannot be avoided; if it is avoided, you will have unruly children. The truth is that unruly children will become unruly adults and will put the family and ultimately, society at unrest. Disciplining them does not mean literally beating them to a pulp or physically (or otherwise) abusing them, so please don’t misunderstand me. Most parents fail to realise that their words carry more power than anything else. I have seen that my children respond the best to my words so that is all my husband and I ever use on them. Ultimately, when dealing with our children, we must ask for an abundance of wisdom and direction from God, and not allow our flesh to dictate our actions. It will make all the difference. Please remember that when you discipline your children, you will have abundance of peace. As you do what is necessary, your own peace concerning your children will not elude you in Jesus name. Amen!

I will never leave a fallen comrade….

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A core part of an American soldiers training is that they recite what is called the soldiers creed – this is the standard by which all United States Army personnel are encouraged to live by. One statement from that creed that has remained with me since the day I heard it is this – I will never leave a fallen comrade! The soldiers are told to stay with their fellow soldier that may have been hit, stabilize him or her and if possible carry them back to base. While I lived in the U.S and had the privilege of meeting soldiers here and there, they always said they would take a bullet for their fellow soldier; it had been engrained in them. I used to think that was so strange until I had a deep conversation with a classmate of mine while I was at the University of Oklahoma. He said being in the US Army is not for the faint-hearted (I agree!) and that they are trained to stick with each other even unto death. I asked him if he had ever been in such a situation, and he pulled up his sleeve, exposed his arm and showed me some bullet wounds he had sustained. Like anybody would have been, I was stunned. Then he laughed and said “I am going back once I graduate and Kemi, if I am found in such a situation again, I would still not leave a fallen comrade on the field”! Amazing! He then told me that countries that go to war with them, noticed that they stuck together so they strategized, and would ensure that once they hit one soldier, as soon as others start diving to check on him/her, they took the opportunity to wipe out the rest. A soldier is actually trained to risk his life, even for his colleague. Every time I remember those powerful words, I actually get chills; for some reason one day, I woke up during the night and it came to my mind. As I always do, I thought …..MARRIAGE! If we were that loyal to our spouses, it would make all the difference. If people had the mindset that” if he/she goes down, I go down”, “we are in this together”, “we are on the same team for life”, and “I am not going anywhere”, “we have a common enemy”, the impending crises would be averted. Like those countries that go to war against the United States, the enemy is always strategizing, looking for a way to hit the home and bring the soldiers (husband and wife) down. That is why we have to be vigilant (1 Peter 5:8), so he does not have victory over us. No matter what comes your way, never accept the defeat of your family, never quit, stand in the gap for your spouse and receive the grace to keep the covenant together as long as it depends on you. Don’t listen to any unscriptural counsel and revert to your sword, your weapon of defense (the Word of God) which never fails. Use it diligently so that you come out victorious. No matter how many arrows are shot in your family’s direction on the battlefield; keep reminding yourself, “I must never leave my fallen comrade on the field”. Your strength will never fail!