Dr. David Oyedepo often says, “Assumption is the mother of frustration”! That is one of the realest statements I have ever heard and unfortunately it is the reality of many marriages. Many, who are married today, are over the edge in frustration, because they assumed everything before they got married; they never saw the need to talk about anything. I always remind singles that marriage is made up of a man and a woman who have had different experiences, different upbringings in life, and different stories to tell. Therefore, don’t assume that your potential spouse already knows what you know. I am reminded of a Pastor who was counseling an intending couple. He said they came to him gushing about how in love they were and how ready they were to get married. According to him, they were putting so much pressure on him so he told them they had to do something first. He gave them both a questionnaire and asked them to sit in separate rooms to complete it. When they came back to him, 90% of their answers were different. He asked them questions concerning how the home will be run such as:
- Who will do the cooking? The man stated that his potential wife would do it while her answer was that they would have a chef or cook!
- He asked about sources of income – the man stated that they will both work, she stated that she will be a stay at home wife and mother!
- He asked them how many children they hope to have – the man stated 4, she stated 1.
- He asked them where they would spend major holidays – the man stated that they will mostly be with his side of the family and she stated “with my family. We hate his family”.
Imagine that! It sounded funny but it’s the reality of many singles today. Everything is assumed.
Don’t assume that your home will be run the way you were brought up. Don’t assume that all men/women have the same viewpoint on a particular subject. Don’t assume that because your dad helped mum out in the house, your potential husband will know he should do the same. Don’t assume that because your mum did ALL the cooking, your potential wife will do the same. Don’t assume he should know this or she should know that. In fact, don’t assume that because you are from the same country, state, city, and speak the same language, you both see things the same way. Don’t assume that your in laws will automatically not be living with you (Oh my!). Never ever assume that because you are both Christians and go to the same church, you have the same understanding on crucial subject matters. Any and everything that matters to you both should be discussed and an agreement should be established concerning how your own household will be run BEFORE you sign the dotted line! Remember that two people cannot walk together without agreement (Amos 3:3).
So before marriage, please have a thorough discussion and get all the facts straight. Believe the facts and be willing to live with those facts. You will keep learning in marriage, no doubt however get to point where you can confidently say “we see eye to eye” on key matters that can affect your relationship and family. As for that couple, there were so many other questions that they did not see eye to eye on and needless to say, they did not get married. It was painful for them but quite frankly they were saved from unnecessary headaches, and ultimately perhaps a separation or divorce. Whatever you do, DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING; TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING! May the Lord help your understanding!