I often like to tell those who are yet to get married that when it comes to marriage, preparation is EVERYTHING! You cannot look at someone and say, “he will make a great husband” or “she will make a great wife”. It’s impossible. Why? Because anything you and I want to become, requires our preparation. For that person to indeed be a great husband or wife, he or she must be prepared for such a role. Their character, their mind-set, their attitude, etc must be framed appropriately if the aim is to have a positive outcome.
It is true that we all want to be good spouses but the desire alone is not enough, we must gather the information required for the role we are to play and study up on it, watch others who have been proven in it, and then apply it in our own lives. When I talk to couples that are in courtship about this, I advise them to read, listen to messages, get counselling, filling themselves with what it takes to have a peaceful home but for some reason, it seems like such a burden to them. Some tell me “its too much work”, others say, “there is no need for it” and even more say “oh our love will get us through anything”.
If you see the building of your home as work you will rather not do, you are already heading down the wrong path. Yes, love will play its part but remember that it is by wisdom that a house is built…. and by KNOWLEDGE its rooms are filled with rare and precious treasures (Proverbs 24:3). So, while love is a major requirement, it is not the only requirement. A bulk of what I know now and apply in my marriage was gotten before marriage. When my husband and I were in courtship, because we talked so much about a peaceful home, we spent a lot of time gathering so much information, applying it as much as possible in our relationship then and talking about how we will apply it in our marriage.
Marriage was not yet a reality but we invested into preparing for it as though our lives depended on it (it actually did). I remember, people used to tell us we were taking it too seriously ad I thank God that we actually took it very seriously because if we relaxed then, we will be experiencing unnecessary headaches in our home today. So as a single gentleman or lady, diligently invest in preparing yourself adequately. It’s true that we still learn a lot of new things in marriage however it helps to be able to draw from what you gather before marriage when you need it. Please note that a restful home is dependent on how prepared you are to maintain it, and NOBODY can do it for you but you!
Some books I recommend specifically for getting married, are:
1. How to Get Married – David Ibiyeomie
2. Getting Ready For Marriage – Jerry D. Hardin
3. Things I wish I’d Known Before We Got Married – Gary Chapman
4. How To Choose A Life Partner – Bimbo Odukoya