A MAKING OR A BREAKING..

makeyourchild

As a parent, your task is to MAKE your children, not BREAK them. No excuse is good enough as to why any parent should be ok with tearing their children down instead of building them up and speaking life into them. I tend to hear many parents who make comments like, “Well, that’s how I was raised. I was beaten, spoken to anyhow and look at me; I turned out just fine”. Or so you think. When I ask them if they liked being treated that way, not one person ever says “yes”.  The fact that you were raised that way does not make it the right kind of training. In fact, I personally believe that if it did happen to you, you have more reasons why you should not do the same to your children. Don’t make them pay for the pain you may have experienced otherwise, they too may continue that cycle. That is why there is usually a strain in most children-parent relationships. And, you find that most children are eager to leave their parents home and only come back to visit once in a blue moon, if at all. Deal with your children, irrespective of their age, in a respectable manner always; show them love always. Even when they do wrong, use it as an opportunity to teach them something, see it as an opportunity to make them. Never allow yourself to say or do damaging things to them, such words stick and are hard to get over except by the grace of God! It is a sad thing to see a full grown adult who is still affected by hurtful words and actions from their parents or parental figures; it affects every area of their life. Please don’t be careless; everything you do towards them carries more consequences than you think. When it comes to our children, with every action and with every word comes a making or a breaking!

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Without Investment….

countthecost

Luke 14:28-30 – “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it. Lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish”?

Just like with any other good thing in life, a wonderful crisis-free marriage doesn’t come cheap; there is a major cost. That scripture above shows us one of the many costs required to have a great marriage; INVESTMENT. Starting something is never the issue, finishing it, is. That is why Jesus talks about having what is required to finish that tower or building. In monetary terms, an investment is futuristic; we don’t invest for now but for the future. At some point you may have sought advice from a financial planner about investing in your future and they may have told you that if you want to have a robust financial future, you must invest your money regularly.

How you do so may change with certain circumstances, but you must still continually invest in order to ensure a secure financial future. Those same principles apply in marriage or any relationship. There might be times when it’s easier  (probably when the stock market is rising and you’re making money without even trying). And there will be times when, even though you are putting forth a lot of effort, things may still look like they are not going forward (like when the stock market dips). But your hanging in for the long haul with a futuristic picture in mind is what will guarantee success. As a single gentleman or lady who desires marriage, what investment have you made in yourself and in your future? I don’t mean just spiritual investment but in other areas such as improving your character, wise financial management, etc.

The truth is that God will give you a potential spouse and the template for a glorious marriage. But, it is what you do with both that determines whether you will have a glorious marriage or not. Invest in yourself so that you’re equipped to co-design your marriage with God and your future spouse. This can still apply in a marriage; as a husband or wife, sit down and do an appraisal of your marriage; talk it over with your spouse and decide what you need to invest for the sort of marriage you truly desire. Marriage itself demands continuous investment.  There is a cost on your part – and it is big investment for an extra-ordinary marriage and little investment for an ordinary marriage. The cost may seem BIG but remember the benefits will also be BIG.

No matter how hard it looks, please know that you can bear the cost – engage God’s grace, use the bible, receive divine wisdom, read books, get the necessary counseling, etc. Do what you need to do; everything adds up. Whatever the case, both people must be willing and ready to regularly invest in themselves and in the relationship to make it flourish. Just like your finances, you can’t leave your marriage to grow without investment!

Give God’s Word A Chance….

GiveGodsWord

I take a lot of pride in knowing that I as a woman, was the answer to man’s needs as far as God was concerned. So I don’t like seeing women who get married and add themselves to the list of their husband’s concerns.  Please know that when you get married, your husband should be confident that your help would solve some lingering issues in his life. I know your life too should be enhanced however please don’t use that as an excuse to bring sorrow to him. Ensure that goodness and the favour spoken about in Proverbs 18:22 comes to life by your presence in his life. After counseling someone a few days ago, she said “I have purposed in my heart to bring nothing but joy to my husband and my household”. That’s the attitude that we should all have. Don’t complain about it and don’t take pride in being a troublesome woman! Stop making unwise statements like “Is it only the woman that has to bend backwards in marriage?” “Why can’t the man also do this and that?”. Just receive grace to do your own part. We should see it as a privilege from God; it should be seen as an honour and when we play our part willingly and joyfully, He in turn honours us. Most times, we never give God’s Word a chance; we are so moved by our feelings and emotions that we find faults with everything He tells us to do. One scripture I love is in 1 Peter 3:2, we are told there “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,when they see the purity and reverence of your lives”. That scripture is so powerful and literal but many women complain about it, never just doing what God says to see changes in their husbands and ultimately in the home environment. Always remember that God is a fair God and He has also told husbands what He expects of them if they don’t want to incur His wrath, so leave them to Him. If you go further down in that chapter, the husbands are told, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers”. Aren’t you glad He is a just God? Marriage is not one-sided as many say it is. Just go to Him in prayer, ask for continuous grace, put that grace to work, get godly counsel, beware of evil counsel, guard your lips & guard your heart, and you will experience His best. If you are single now, begin from where you are. Stop being ruled by your emotions and let your spirit take over. Wherever you find yourself, be a blessing on purpose. Whatever the situation may be in your at the moment in your life, in your relationship, in your marriage, please give God’s Word a chance to work.

Be Kind….

kindness

Kindness really goes a long way, even in marriage. It’s so important to be conscious of showing kindness to those you may be in a relationship with or your spouse. The truth is that, kindness is so rare these days particularly in the marriage relationship. In fact husbands and wives are kinder to those outside of the home than to their spouses. You see them going out of their way for their neighbours, work colleagues, church members than their spouses or family members. The same way charity begins at home, kindness or anything close to it, should begin at home. It should begin with those we are closest to. Kindness is exhibited through generous deeds; it is shown through caring and compassionate conduct, and soothing or comforting words. A kind person always presents themselves with a mild and pleasant disposition and acts with tenderness and concern for others. Be concerned and look for ways to help out as you are capable and when your spouse needs help. It also affects your children and other family members in your home. If they don’t see the leaders in the family (husband and wife) demonstrating kindness to each other, it will be difficult for them to be kind to others. Don’t be blind to it. Don’t act though you can’t see it. In the big things, in the little things, show kindness. In your actions, with your words , show kindness to each other. Check on each other, find out how your wife is doing with all her responsibilities, ask her how you can help. Find out how your hubby is doing also, ask him how you can help be of help. Don’t just assume he/she is ok with all their responsibilities, they still need your help; that’s part of what you are both there for. You will do that with other people, including your children so why not your spouse? Kindness is such a simple act but it is required to build a strong and healthy relationship or marriage.