Just like there are rules that govern every institution in the world, the same goes in marriage. The rules are there to maintain order, to keep each student within the boundary lines. Students are expected to behave a certain way, professors are expected to behave a certain way, citizens of a country are expected to behave a certain way, and even presidents are expected to behave a certain way. When we begin to step out of line, the consequences are undesirable. The bible tells us that all things should be done decently and in order (1 Corinthians 14:40), so that tells us that God is a God of order. He has given us the rules required to ensure that in marriage, there is order. As soon as you decided to sign the dotted lines of the marriage covenant, you became bound by His rules and you are expected to abide by them. Many people who are experiencing crisis in their family lives have not only bent the rules, they have completely broken them. These rules are found in the bible; as a husband, you are told be exactly like Christ (Ephesians 5:25) – you are to be a protector, a savior, an encourager, among other things. You are not to be selfish, you are not to be a bully, and you are not to be one that exposes your wife’s weaknesses. As a wife, God created you to be helper (Genesis 2:18), an assistant, an asset a crown on your husband’s head. You are not to be a thorn, a nagger, a liability, a concern, etc. For whatever reason, many of us refuse to stay within the confines of their God given roles and wonder why things are not going well. It’s because the rules have been broken. And these rules are broken because we can be so bent on allowing our flesh to rule us. If only we understand that the rules are for our own good; remember that His commandments are not burdensome (1 John 5:3). Please do your best to abide by the rules we have been given to experience a blissful family life. Remember that if you choose to break the rules, the consequences will not only affect you, but generations to come!
It is true that there is no specific laid down rule for the length of courtship that a man and woman should embark on, however, it is so important to ensure that you (not anyone else) are at peace (100%) about that man or woman, before saying “I do”. I suggest that you have a thorough checklist of critical issues that can make or break a home. The list should contain items such as your individual spiritual frequency, agreement on how the home will be run particularly when it comes to children, finances, work patterns, dealing with the in-laws and even vision, among many other vital points. Go over each item one by one and if there are things that you feel strongly about, let it be known and do not compromise. While I would like you to remember that no human being is perfect and compromise is required, wisdom is an essential tool. Be confident in your heart that you are not just settling for what is out there and be very real with yourself when making your decision. Remember that the worst type of deception is self deception and moreover you will be the one to bear the consequences of carrying on with a relationship and ultimately marriage by yourself, whether good or bad. Don’t do it for anybody because in the day of adversity, all people will do is pray and fast on your behalf, believing that things would change for the better for you. Whatever you do, please know that according to God’s divine agenda, you deserve a blissful family life so DO NOT SETTLE for anything less than God’s best for you! It is better to be happily single than to be miserably married; the choice is yours!
It is rather disturbing to me when I hear people say that a husband and wife must argue, fight, fuss, quarrel, and whatever you may call it, in their marriage! I have always wondered where such a demonic mindset came from. God, who created marriage, has already given us a guide as to how we must conduct ourselves in our marriages to see the best out of it. Yet, here we are on earth, coming up with our own theories, just because we don’t have the patience to do it as He has prescribed. You can’t redefine a product for a manufacturer; if I decide to use a smoothie maker to boil water (I have never tried that), and the water boils, it doesn’t change the original purpose of the product. I used to believe that chaos, strife, confusion, etc. were a normal part of marriage until I first heard otherwise from my husband. Then I began to think, if I can control myself and be civil with co-workers, strangers, and others around me even when we may have different opinions over a subject matter, even when I am offended, even when I feel hurt, why can’t I do much more when it comes to my husband? Just because it’s not a reality in one persons marriage does not make it impossible. God has said two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9) and He cannot lie (Hebrews 6:18), so it must be my reality. Just because you may have differences of opinion on some things, does not mean it must turn into a battle field where hurtful words are exchanged, and foolish statements are made: you are tearing down your house all by yourself. Sit down and talk about it! I tell the truth and I lie not, I have never ever found myself arguing or raising my voice at my husband or vice versa and this has been from the very beginning of our relationship (courtship), and I am so convinced that such a day can NEVER come. Not because opportunities are not there but because from day one, we have been using the Word of God as our guide and till today, when we are privileged to counsel or hear of the marital crises of others, we thank God for the grace He has given us to live in genuine peace thus far. I have a practice when people try to sway me concerning having a peaceful family life, I always say, “let God be true and let all men be liars” (Romans 3:4). My counsel to you today is this – stop listening to anything contrary to what God has said, they are all lies!! You may be married, or you may be single; if you ever find yourself in a challenging situation, the answer is with God; He is the best person to lead you aright with His manual. Don’t allow yourself make the same statements that others are making concerning marriage. Purpose in your heart that what God has said, will be your experience and be willing to do your part to make it a reality!
The truth is that God has given us all things, including marriage, richly to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:7)!
The lie is that we have to fight, groan and moan to enjoy all things, including marriage!