A lot of people use this scripture above when it comes to their health, finances, academics or other areas of their lives…except their family. Do you know that this applies even in your marriage and family life? Really, if one couple believes that arguments, fussing, fighting, etc is what makes a real marriage, then no doubt, it would be unto them according to their faith. If another believes that genuine peace all round should be the order of the day, then the same truth applies and he/she would strive for peace as much as it depends on them, using the ultimate marriage manual: the Word of God. I agree that every home may have its share of challenges, however the pressures and challenges that may come into any family are there to test both the husband and wife, so what good will it do if you don’t stand together to overcome them? I believe that couples who allow such things to divide them, don’t yet have a full understanding of the power that lies in their unity. Differences in personality (after all no two people are the same) or differences of opinions should never be enough to allow friction to linger, but must be resolved with much prayer and wisdom. Whether there are pressures from outside (extended family, work, etc) or within (financial, emotional), we must make up our minds that nothing and no one (even ourselves) would be given the satisfaction of diving us, even for a moment. Jesus speaking in the book of Mark 11:24, said “…You shall have whatsoever you say”. Not what others say, not what others have but what you say and believe is your own portion. Of course it is not just saying it that brings the results because faith without works is dead (James 2:17). As you are standing in faith and speaking it out loud, your actions must also line up. For example, you may feel that your spouse is difficult, etc, but that does not justify your negative actions/reactions. You have to keep proving your faith in God and if indeed you know of a truth you are serving a living God, rest assured that He would step in and honour you in due season, as long as you do what is required of you. I am sure that if we spend our valuable time going after the necessary wisdom, understanding and knowledge (Proverbs 24:3) required to crisis-proof our families, we won’t make excuses, like others do and we won’t have what others have. Take time to build your faith for a peaceful family life, and back your faith up with your actions. By doing so, God’s intentions for your family will come to life & keep flourishing.
So, today is my wedding anniversary and I would like to take the time to wish my one and only hubby a happy happy anniversary. WOW!! Indeed Proverbs 4:18 has been our testimony; and these past few years have actually been the best years of my life. I like to say that whoever you choose to join yourself to in life, determines the direction of your life. Truly, my destiny took a turn for the best when I said “I do”. God, who has been our foundation would keep our paths ever bright.
It is by His help that our marriage is a positive reference point, therefore with His help, we would never have a contrary story. He has given us the wisdom and understanding beyond our years to run our home, and as we increase in them, we would remain upheld by The Word of His power.
May those we follow remain an ever shining example for us. May He give us greater grace to remain true to His Word, true to each other, true to our children and true to those who find us worth emulating. As you keep pursuing your vision, I would be right there as your helper.
Your companion on any journey makes all the difference on the way, the challenges not withstanding. I thank God because this lifelong journey of marriage has been nothing short of blissful so far because of you, companion.
I look forward to better days with you….Let’s Celebrate!!!
Differences are beautiful! They can add a lot of spice and enjoyment to any marriage – if we look at them from the right perspective. One major challenge many couples face is that one of both of them are not accepting of the differences in their spouse. They are so busy trying to change their spouse. Please accept them in your spouse (or intended). You both may have some similarities but you cannot be 100% alike and you cannot think 100% alike – that will be B-O-R-I-N-G! And guess what? That’s ok! Your differences don’t mean you are against each other or either of you are weird; it just means that you have different perspectives on certain issue. And it shows that you have had different backgrounds and experiences in life that have shaped you. The way to get them to see something from your perspective is not by shoving it down their throat or forcing them to just accept it. There is a place for reasoning, even in relationships, even in marriage. There are some minor issues of life that you both don’t have to agree on. BUT your family can’t move forward if you don’t agree on how to handle some major issues (raising children, finances, inlaws, your faith, etc). Ask God for wisdom on how to pass the message across to them without making matters worse. And if they can’t see it just yet, don’t be a baby about it; relax and give them time. Whatever the issue is, ensure that your goal is to stay united and move the relationship or family in a positive direction. Acknowledge that you are different but work hard to remain on the same page! Don’t despise your differences – they add spice to your relationship. It helps you appreciate certain issues from another perspective. Again, if you were both exactly the same, that marriage or relationship will be boring!
One of the greatest things I have learnt in my short time on earth is that time waits for no man or woman. If you choose to hang around doing nothing, letting years pass you by, your results would be just that – nothing!
While that statement is true for everyone, I think ladies should be more conscious about it because of the different phases we have to go through in life. I would try not to bore you with this but I believe that you would be blessed by it.
LIVING LIFE BY SUBTRACTION!
Most times, when my husband gives a birthday speech, he always reminds us to live life by subtraction. Even though naturally we may be adding a year to our lives, we are actually subtracting from the number of years left for us on the earth. The bible says, “teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom” (Psalm 90:12), so that means we cannot afford to live carelessly. We must be taking account of our days on the earth and that would help us number our time on the earth, because life is time.
For example, I strongly believe that I would live long on the earth if Jesus tarries. With that in mind, I have subtracted the number of years I have lived so far from the number of years I would live according to God’s promise of satisfying me with long life – 120. So I know I have only X number of years left on the earth. That, in essence tells me that whatever impact I need to make in my generation must be made quickly; not with a hurried mindset and not moving out of fear just to get it done but with the mindset that time would not wait for me. With the mindset that there is something in me that the world needs and I cannot afford to fail my generation.
If I keep telling myself that 5 years is far away and believe I still have all the time in the world to do what God has placed in my hand, without making motion, the 5 years would show up and meet me right on the same spot.
In reflecting, I am at an age that most people don’t get to live to see, so I am really greatful to God for preserving my life. The truth is I never thought I would be where I am now at this age. God Himself has taken me and elevated me beyond my wildest dreams, for whatever reason. It may not mean anything to you but I lived in a small city called Tulsa, Oklahoma and God caused my husband to find me there and just by being joined to him, my destiny took a turn for the best; treasures in me began to emerge.
Now as a lady, I wasn’t waiting to just get married, I have always had a vision to do some of the things I do now particularly in the not for profit sector but WOW; God saw beyond that and expanded the vision to an even larger scale. While I was in school, I was involved in various activities on campus to develop myself. I am aware that there are many who can do it better but I thank God for trusting me enough and equipping me with what I need; in fact, He is still equipping me!! Even while I didn’t know it, everything I did back then was some kind of preparation!
I write all this to tell you that life is time and time is life; you are either investing it or wasting it. It is important for us to understand the times and seasons of our lives and make the most of each season. Don’t plan your life like a man; I always say that a man’s life is not affected when he gets married or even when he becomes a dad. He still goes and comes as he pleases but generally that is not the same for a lady. You become a wife, you have to adjust to catering to someone else; you become mother and you have to go through all the phases from pregnancy to maternity, etc. During those times, you have to take a step back from career, etc to focus on mothering. However, while you are being a mother, carry on adding value to yourself; your children would net depend on you for life.
Don’t give room to distractions and stay focused on whatever task God has placed upon you. See whatever you are doing now as training ground for your own center stage! Don’t despise where you are today; you have no idea who God is preparing to cross your path tomorrow. You don’t know who He has directed to meet you right where you are and cause your life and destiny to be enhanced. It may not be a husband, like He did for me. But it would be someone He knows would change your destiny for good.
As you do what is required of you, God will grant you His favour which includes speed. Keep telling yourself that you have X amount of time to make impact on the earth and move with a sense of urgency. Give it your all, give it your best and be faithful at it. The truth is that if you want God to favour you in any area of your life, He must find you faithfully committed to it.
You will make a mark during your lifetime in Jesus name.
One of the most impactful books I have ever read is by Kenneth Hagin’s wife, Oretha Hagin. The book is so real and it has been such a blessing to my own life. She really goes in depth about how she felt about being a pastors wife, having to do a lot on her own, having to help her husband in his ministry while finding her own assignment in life. Most of all, she writes about how God’s grace helped her crucify her flesh and adjust herself to everything that came with being in ministry. It’s a book that I carry everywhere with me and I have read cover to cover so many times. It has encouraged and helped me so much, not just as a Pastors wife but in all aspects of my life. I encourage you to get it, if you can. But I specially encourage Pastors Wives to read this book; it will minister to you in more ways than one! She barely spoke much during her lifetime but this book will give you a deep insight into the challenges (which we can relate to) she faced and how she overcame. She comes from a personal place that is so encouraging. The title of the book is The Price Is Not Greater Than God’s Grace! I have learnt that really, any price we have to pay to get to where God is taking us may seem so high in the natural but it’s so refreshing to know that His grace is more than enough for the journey. Get the book and be blessed by it. I just wanted to encourage you with that little word. Get the book and be blessed by it. The cover is below….
There are many things people say are normal about family life. For instance, they say it is normal for children to bring disease from school for the whole family. They say it is normal for a husband and wife to fight. They say it is normal for the family to live in debt. They say it is normal for in-laws to bully or mistreat husband/wife. They say it is normal for teenagers to be rude and talk back to their parents without boundaries. There are so many costly and unpleasant normalities that exist in marriage and the family! No wonder many single men and ladies would rather play house than have the real deal. And no wonder many husbands and wives are ready to get out of their marriages without thinking twice. I learnt early on that by the grace of God, such normalities could become an abnormality in my family life. I learnt that if refuse to accept such normalities, they would be far from me. The word abnormal is dictionary defined, as deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable or worrying. However, in this sense, this abnormality is absolutely desirable! You may have never thought it was possible, and you are probably wondering how you also can ensure that such unpleasant normalities become abnormal for your family. First of all, connect with divine grace through Jesus Christ. That connection through salvation means you are adopted into God’s family. It is what ushers you into a new inheritance and a new way of life. It is what makes your ‘normal’ become different from the norm. It doesn’t stop there though. You still have to DO some things, which bring me to my next point. Seek your new ‘normal’ from the bible; get your picture from God’s Word. There, you will find biblical antidotes to many of the negative ‘normals’ you know now. Sickness, poverty, family crisis, etc are not designed for pleasure. The bible tells you everything you should have instead – which are your inheritance in Christ such as riches, favour, peace, unity, joy, etc. Thirdly, begin to create your new ‘normal’ based on what the bible says you should have. You do this through prayer, fasting, studying the bible, and allowing God’s Word to work in you. Confess it with your mouth and believe it in your heart. Confess what you believe your new normal is. It doesn’t matter if you are single or married, use your mouth to speak your grace filled abnormality into existence. If you are in debt, start confessing abundance. If your child is always sick, start confessing vitality. If there is division, chaos and confusion in your home, declare peace and unity. Make faith-fuelled declarations; for example, the bible says that while others may be cast down or brought low; when it is normal to be at the bottom, for you and I, we will remain lifted up (Job 22:29). Start adjusting yourself to a new NORMAL; start basking in the abnormality of a peaceful family life that comes by God’s grace. The next time you think about marriage and the family, please know that its absolutely ok to be abnormal…by grace!
It’s so important, as a husband to ensure that you don’t knowingly or unknowingly force your wife to become like another man’s wife. The woman you may be comparing her to began from somewhere before her own husband met her. Her willing submission, her love, everything positive about her, stems from how her husband treats her. Please remember that your task is to make her holy, make her clean, and enhance her by the washing of water with the word (Ephesians 5:26). That is your duty. She is to work on herself but you also have a part to play. Don’t just leave her to herself. The same way she is to help you in life, you also do the same. Ensure that she is constantly changing for the better; make her a more enhanced version of herself. People should know that she indeed has a husband! If you are single, please bear this in mind too. Exhibit behaviours that you want her to emulate. That is what Christ has done, take a cue from Him, have a good attitude about it and God will give you the grace. Don’t be a baby about it, complaining and groaning about her to anybody who will listen; that is unnecessary and it is the height of immaturity. If you need help, speak to specific people who will help you get it right. If everything about your wife turns sour after you married her, you have a lot of work to do. God has made it easy for you by giving you the perfect pattern (Ephesians 5:25-30), please use it to your advantage!
Every man ought to know that there is no woman on earth who wants to have a husband who doesn’t know where he is going in life or even worse, who is going nowhere. It can be frustrating, particularly if she has located her own vision and purpose in life. In such scenarios, you find some husbands discouraging their wives or confining her to the home environment. One of the major responsibilities of any leader, even in the family is to have a vision. You must locate your vision in life and communicate it clearly to your wife or intended wife, so she knows what exactly she is getting into and what she is expected to help you achieve in life with God’s help. Any leader who lacks vision cannot inspire those that are following them; those they are leading will have no confidence in them, which tend to cause the followers trying to take the lead, and that ultimately causes confusion and friction. The quality of any leader tells us the overall quality of the organisation, country, business and even family! You are the God-ordained leader of your home; it is not enough to bask in that authority given to you, yet be a failure at it. Unfortunately, many marriages and families are perishing because there is no vision (Proverbs 29:18). You are the leader; if you don’t want your family to perish, have a vision and get your family members on board. Leadership begins with vision! Dear Man, whether married or single, have the mind-set that how far your family goes, really depends on you. And your family can go nowhere if you have no vision!
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