When it comes to building and maintaining a Christian marriage and family as most of us want, I have personally learnt that our focus should actually be on pleasing God more than pleasing my husband. Why? Because God is actually the most important personality in this marriage. My bible tells me that a man can keep building but God is the builder of all things (Hebrews 3:4). My husband and I know that unless we please God, we just can’t please each other. As time goes by and people grow, human needs and expectations change, so we will not remain the same as we grow.
Seeking to please each other can lead to confusion, assumptions and frustration. When you really focus on God, He will show you what to do in order to get things right and He will also show you where you get things wrong and how to make the necessary changes in order to get things right. This requires total humility and submission to God in everything. Focusing on pleasing Him also helps your spiritual growth as an individual. Remember that it is God that knows the innermost part of any human being (Psalm 139:13-14). He is the one who can soften any hardened heart, and He is the One who can give you what it takes to fully understand your spouse and adjust yourself to them accordingly; that is the only way to have a fulfilling life and relationship.
I hear a lot of couples who claim to be Christians but may be going through challenges say “I just want to please God. I don’t care about him/her” – referring to their spouses. I often tell them a hard truth – part of pleasing God is making your marriage work because marriage is 100% a priority to Him. Go to His Word and locate how He expects you to react in certain situations; it’s all there. He has not kept His expectations from us. We must search it out and then begin to put it to work.
I often say this and I will tell you again; Marriage is a spiritual house and it cannot be built and maintained in the energy of the flesh. I am not saying it will always be rosy; let’s be real, challenges will come to try to divide you and make you come against each other but if you maintain spiritual fervency always, and focus on God, things will flow smoothly. There are times we may be upset, we may feel offended, etc. however we must always react in a way that is pleasing to God. Remember, the bible says that “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord…” (Colossians 3:17). So yes, do your best to ensure your spouse is fulfilled in your marriage but always remember that ultimately, it is in pleasing God and having a high regard for His Word, that you will please each other. You just try it and you will see your relationship flourish. May the Lord help your understanding!