If you ask the average single lady or gentleman why they want to get married, more often than not, the answer is usually something like “I don’t know… Just because…” You may not have received that exact answer but the truth is that most times, the answer is not convincing. I remember when I was younger; I just wanted to get married because to me, it was normal to do so at a certain age.

However, as I got older I realized that answer wasn’t good enough for me anymore, especially since there were too many cases of separation or divorce and those who were married actually seemed worse off than we who were single. When I’m privileged to counsel, it’s not unusual for me to ask this question because I really want the individual to answer the “why” first before going through the process of courtship and becoming one flesh with another person. So what’s your reason?

Is it because that’s the next best thing to do? Is it because you feel the pressure?

Is it because everyone around you is doing so?

Is it because you feel incomplete?

Is it because you have a desire to fulfill your destiny with a suitable partner?

Is it because you desire to have a family unit of your own?

Is it because you want to achieve a marital status?

Is it because you feel you are getting old?

Is it because you want to experience this special gift of marriage from God?

The reasons may be endless! What are your genuine reasons for desiring marriage? Whatever they are, it is important to know them. Be honest with yourself. That way, you will know if you are channeling your energy rightly. You’ll know if you are doing so for yourself or simply because of what is going on around you and what others are doing. Most importantly, it would determine how you handle your marriage. I have learnt that those who place a high value on marriage handle it differently from those who perhaps just see marriage as a necessary evil to make the world go round.

I don’t mean giving an answer that people will be intrigued by; I mean an answer that actually convinces and convicts YOU! An answer that tells you whether or not you are actually ready for this thing called marriage. In Luke 14:28, Jesus said something so profound:

“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?”

Good question! Before building a tower, you need to know why you actually want to build that tower in the first place. Knowing why helps you count the cost. Marriage is good but it’s not all fun and games. There’s serious business in between and if you are only interested in fun and games, you’ll be most miserable in it, and what’s worse, your spouse will be more miserable.

Many who have gotten married have done so without thinking about the WHY! Whatever you do, know that marriage should be entered into with spiritual sensitivity and wisdom. Don’t be careless about it & don’t use your emotions alone to guide you into marriage; that will only generate a lifetime of bitter consequences. Knowing the WHY is part of what will help you make right choices.

One thought on “THE “WHY” FACTOR”

  1. God bless you so much ma’am for these words of wisdom… Im encouraged!! Sometimes its difficult to be in an environment where almost everyone thinks that marriage is just a necessary stage of life which much just be gotten over with (the earlier the better) … And the worse thing is that its people in church that say these things…!!
    Ive always believed that marriage is something not to be toyed with and that it requires conviction and inner peace. But theres so much pressure…not from the world…but from the church!!!

    But when i listen to people like you and Heather Lindsey(one of my mentors) im encouraged and i have strength to hold on to my faith and trust in Jesus concerning this area of life.

    May God bless you and may you continue to have a deeper and richer relationship with Jesus!! I love u ma!!

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