If and when you find yourself in a heated discussion with your (potential) spouse, it’s always best to take a step back. Not just to calm down but also to pray. Even when you calm down, you may still end up saying things that you shouldn’t. Pray first so that your spirit subdues your flesh. That’s what’s important! Pray first so the Holy Spirit can give you utterance that will gain entrance into your (potential) spouse’s heart.
Pray first so you can access the wisdom of God to help diffuse any tension. In fact, prayer also helps you see where you may be the offender. You’ll be convicted and when that happens, be quick to take responsibility. It doesn’t mean the wrong behavior of the other person should not be addressed if they’re the offender but regardless of who is at fault, it’s unwise to let a heated atmosphere escalate. Especially when wisdom is at work in you.
Don’t be so bent on saying everything that’s on your mind at that moment or retaliating what may have been said or done to you. Guess what? That’s what the devil wants. He wants both people to keep going and going at each other until severe damage is done. Don’t be ignorant of his devices (2 Corinthians 2:11). I often like to say that even in marriage, we have to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
It may look like your spouse is the problem but it’s deeper than that. The devil is always lurking around to see how he can sow seeds of strife and chaos (1 Peter 5:8) Give him no place!