QUESTION: How many years will it take a couple to understand each other?
ANSWER: Understanding your spouse is a continuous journey. It doesn’t end. Husbands are told to treat their wives with understanding as they live together (1 Peter 3:7). So it’s not a one time event. I often like to say that it’s important that you become a student of your spouse. Understand their peculiarities and way of thinking so you can adjust yourself to them.
If I understand my husband to be a certain way, I should be able to predict his actions or reactions, to a certain extent. If I know his backgrounds and experiences in life (which I should), I should be able to understand his opinions and viewpoints on certain issues. And if I understand his personality and character traits, that’s what helps me know how to approach him concerning certain issues.
Note that understanding and wisdom go hand in hand. Don’t approach your spouse based on how another person would approach their own spouse. I can’t say ‘but every man behaves like this’ so that means he also must do the same. No! It’s my duty to understand him as he is. Having said that, marriage is a learning institution, we’re expected to change and grow in it.
Hopefully the changes that take place in us will be positive changes but as we observe changes in our spouse, we have to keep adjusting to them. The husband or wife you married at 22, for example, won’t be the same at 32 or 40. You should have expected them to change and if you were paying attention, you would have noticed the changes. So understanding is continuous. Remember it is by understanding that a home remains established (Prov. 23:4).
If you need help for your specific situation, prayerfully seek for help from a godly source who can stir you in the right direction. May God send you answers of Peace!