All posts by Kemi Oyedepo

MODESTY = DIGNITY

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Regardless of what the world says, we are to glorify God in our body (1 Corinthians 6:20), which includes in our dressing. Keep private parts, private and stop “flaunting” yourself. It is actually shameful. Any man that finds it attractive, in all seriousness, is not in his right mind. The same man that is drawn to you because of your body, will be drawn to another woman who has a better body. I am usually embarrassed when I see women who wear clothes that are, perhaps very short and they are constantly pulling them down every second. Why put yourself through that in the first place? Someone told me that her husband actually likes it when she dresses like that. And, my answer is always that he may like it now because he wants to show you off or whatever other reason he may have, but that likeness is for a moment. When men start flocking to you, he would feel disrespected as a husband and most importantly, when you have female children who start dressing like you, his senses would come back to life and what he found attractive, he would suddenly despise. In fact, many men begin to insult their wives, calling them terrible role models for their children. So, do yourself a favor, and set a standard for yourself.

We should do all things decently and in order even in our dressing (1 Corinthians 14:40). Be modest in your dressing; if you are a Christian, let it show. Stop following the patterns of the world. Modesty is not majorly an issue of clothing but is majorly from the heart because your outward appearance is a visible and silent testimony of your Christian values. Modesty shows your dignity; it makes you worthy of respect.  And, modesty really has nothing to do with fashion; styles change all the time, but modesty never changes, the generation notwithstanding.

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TRUE BEAUTY…

true beauty

Every woman needs to know this! Your beauty is not defined by the makeup and jewellery you have on. Haven’t you seen many “ugly” gorgeous women? Well, I have. The ones who speak with foul language and have terrible attitudes, the ones who are argumentative and proud, the ones who have no respect for God or anybody, the ones whose hearts are full of wickedness! Despite their physical beauty, they are still considered unattractive. Why? Because in as much as we like looking at good looking people, we cannot deny the fact that true beauty comes from within; we cannot deny that a defective character has the power to erase any kind of apparent beauty. Dear woman, The One who made you says you are beautifully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) without makeup (hair, eye lashes, lip gloss, etc) and without any jewellery. There is nothing wrong if you choose to use them (I believe that’s a personal thing so I won’t dwell on it) but please remind yourself that your confidence cannot be derived from such things. If you choose to use them, they should only enhance your already defined beauty! If you are not confident in your skin, just as you are first, then no amount of additions can make you confident and even attractive! That means each time they come off, your confidence deflates! You are more than that. Anybody who tells you that you are not worthy to be called beautiful unless you have makeup (wigs, weaves, eye lashes, etc) on, is a liar from the pit of hell and does not have your best interest at heart! Yes, physical beauty pleases the eyes of others but people are blessed by the beauty that comes from within. That is what they are attracted to! Your inner man, your character, and most of all – a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4) – that is what makes you beautiful! Please renew your mind concerning yourself and don’t waste another second putting yourself down or giving anybody the right to do so!

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THE HEART OF THE MATTER….

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I always like to admonish singles to be more focused on the heart of their future spouse. I actually feel sorry for men and women who only care about the physical looks of an individual. It makes me wonder if there are any physical changes in the person they claim to love, if they would still hang around or become missing in action. As a single man or woman, please know that the heart is God’s priority, not the looks! Pay attention to the the heart of the man or woman you want to marry. Man focuses on the outward appearance but God focuses on the heart, the heart, the heart of the individual (1 Samuel 16:17). Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to that man or woman but their heart should overshadow their appearance. That should be your prayer; not the cliche tall, dark, handsome, rich, beautiful, slim & slender man or woman. Remember that the heart of man is deep…and God has the ability to search the heart of man (Jeremiah 17:10). A tall dark and handsome man or a modelesque woman can use their looks to blindfold your eyes until you are married. We, as men may be deceived but God cannot be deceived! Don’t go casually into marriage blinded by the looks of a person otherwise you may bear some heavy consequences. Be prayerful and seek God along the way. As far as God is concerned, while other areas are important – the heart of the matter is the CONDITION of the heart!

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FLOURISH FROM WITHIN

So, as you know already: I am a woman. Lol! That means every now and then, you will find something just for ladies on my blog. While CPYF is for everyone, I can’t help but speak to my fellow women from time to time. It is important to remind ourselves of who we are in Christ and not allow anyone else determine our worth. The good news is that there is also a section for men and you can find it under the categories. I am not a man but thank God for great examples such as my one and only hubby, who I can draw from.

This write up below was on FB some time back but I have just tweaked it a tiny bit.

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As a woman, don’t be so engrossed with your outer man at the detriment of your spirit man. We have the tendency to get so carried away with the latest hairstyles, makeup, jewellery, etc that we pay more attention to what matters to humans than what matters to God – our spirit man. Each time you look in the mirror, and when you are around others, your spirit man should be radiating first, not your lipstick. No wonder the bible makes mention of this because the truth is that if care is not taken, we may find ourselves flourishing outwardly while our spirit is as dry as the desert. Go after the Word of God until it is dwelling richly inside of you (Colossians 3:16). Pay more attention to building your spirit than you do, to enhancing your physical appearance. I am not against looking good; yes do look good, yes, do feel good but make sure your spirit man is in a much brighter state!

 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4)

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HOW STRONG IS YOUR TEAM?

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I agree!!!

I really like this quote above from Mother Theresa because it speaks volumes!

I particularly like it because it also applies in marriage. A lot of people come into marriage not realising that it is all about team work. It is all about working together to achieve a common goal. We are not to come into marriage thinking we know it all and not giving our spouse’s room to make mistakes. Marriage is all about making up for the weaknesses of the other person.

And because most don’t understand this, they get irritated and frustrated by the imperfections of their spouse.

I know there are areas in my life where I particularly rely on my husband for major support because they happen to be his strong points and he does the same with me. That is what makes a strong team. There is no team on the earth that has players who are the best in every position possible. On every team, there are better goal keepers, better scorers, better point guards, better forwards, and the list goes on and on. However, to achieve something great, each one must come together and fill in where they are needed to get their team to victory. The same goes for marriage.

While I as a woman was created to help my husband, he is also expected to help me become better. My husband should be able to trade his weaknesses for my strength and I should be able to do the same. I believe that marriage is for reinforcement in every area of life – that means it should enhance you and add more value to you. That is why the Bible says that ‘two are better one’ (Ecclesiastes 4:9). This doesn’t mean that we are to bask in our weaknesses and not try to become better but it sure helps knowing that if I fall, my husband is there to lift me up.

If our mind-set changes and we see ourselves as on the same team, it would change the entire direction of the marriage and family for the better. It would help us know that despite our individual shortcomings, when we remain a house united, it only strengthens our team and takes our family life to a higher level of glory!

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WHAT LANGUAGE DO YOU SPEAK?

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I am usually privileged to teach a class when Bible School is in session at church and while teaching one day on The Marriage Covenant, a man stood up and asked a question. He said, “I really love flowers and I keep buying them for my wife but she never takes care of them and it really annoys me. Aren’t women supposed to love flowers?” Of course, the women in class were not in support of that last statement. In fact, some were saying things like “I would rather take money” or “I would prefer it if my husband looks after the children once in a while so I can rest”. Others just erupted in laughter.

The truth is that a lot of people find themselves in that man’s position in their marriages. They deal with their spouses based on what works for them or what they think every man or every woman typically likes. When they don’t get their desired response, they end up frustrated. I always use the phrase ‘being a student of your spouse’ and I think that if more people see the importance of studying their spouse’s per time, the level of frustration will be next to zero.

I am all for learning from others, reading books, counselling, etc. However, copying and pasting what Mr A is doing for his wife into your own marriage is not the best way to go about it. You are to dwell with your own spouse according to knowledge and understanding (1 Peter 3:7); not according to what anyone – society or otherwise, say.

For some women, flowers and some other romantic things speak volumes while for others, their husbands just helping them around the house makes the difference and adds to her fulfillment in the marriage. There are also such differences with men. Some men thrive on words of affirmation from their wives, while others prefer quality time.

Don’t automatically assume that because they are a man or a woman, it means he/she must like the stereotypical things. Again, your duty is to be a student of your spouse, adjust yourself accordingly to them, and communicate effectively with them. Try it! The love languages are:

1. Physical Touch  2. Words of Affirmation  3. Quality Time  4. Gifts  5. Acts of service.

Look out for their love languages by studying them intently and have the mindset that it may change with every phase of life. And, then begin to speak their love language. Doing this would create a positive change in the right direction.

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