If you really want to experience peace in your marriage, you must be sensitive about the company you keep. As a husband or wife, there’s no good reason why you should maintain an extremely close friendship with an individual of the opposite gender, especially if your spouse is uncomfortable with it. Even if your spouse seems okay with it, it is wise to put boundaries in place with that friendship once you get married.
You may have been best friends with that person long before marriage, it doesn’t really matter. The dynamics of that relationship still has to change drastically if you really want to enjoy your home. You can no longer have unending conversations or go and come with that male or female friend as you please. It is your responsibility to let them know that things can no longer be as they were and if they can’t accept it, that friendship may have to end. You decide what step to take!
Whatever you do, don’t maintain that friendship by force if it’s breaking your marriage apart; that’s foolish! If care is not taken, that individual will be up to date about your personal life than your spouse and that will be problematic. While that friendship was great during your single season, it can pose a threat to your marriage. Your allegiance is now to your spouse so have respect for him/her. Don’t begin any unnecessary friendship with someone of the opposite gender either. Your intentions may be pure but that individual may have their own agenda to divide your home. Once you decided to get married, your closest relationship is automatically with your spouse so focus on building and maintaining your marriage. You have a duty to make him/her feel secure in the marriage and not have doubts for marrying you.
If you’re a single lady or gentleman and you feel there are friendships you have to hold on to by all means when you get married, it’s best you remain single for a little while longer. It may not seem like a big deal but this topic has been one of the causes of strife in too many homes and unfortunately some homes have been destroyed beyond repair because of it. PLEASE Be wise!
Expressions of love dont come naturally to us. Putting others first, advanced and continuous forgiveness, among other things, are what we’d rather not do especially when we feel hurt or offended. Especially when we feel the recipient doesn’t deserve it. However, Love is something we have to work on until it becomes part of us. In other words, we have to become ROOTED and GROUNDED in love – Ephesians 3:17. To be rooted means to be firmly established; to be immovable or unshakeable.
Think of an Oak tree or a similar strong tree that remains planted even when the storms try to sweep it away. It’s firmly rooted in the ground so nothing can change its position. That is where we have to be as Christians especially in our relationships and families. When you’re grounded in love, your feelings or emotions don’t have the final say over your words and actions. There will be instances when you don’t feel like loving as you ought to, or praying for your (potential) spouse as you ought to, or even speaking to your spouse as you ought to but your rooting in love will push you to do exactly what you don’t feel like doing.
If you’re rooted in love, it will always produce good fruits in you… no matter what. However being rooted in love requires allowing Christ to dwell in our hearts by faith as the Scripture states. We have to give the Holy Spirit room to work in us so we can love as we ought to. It’s impossible to be rooted in love without our deliberate and continuous effort to grow in the Word of God. That’s the only way the love of God will flow out of us without restraint. In fact, when we are truly rooted and grounded in love, it doesn’t just make love part of our nature, it actually makes love our nature; it becomes who we are.
When praying for your spouse or yourself, never forget to ask the Holy Spirit to help you both remain rooted and grounded in God’s love. That is what helps a couple overlook errors and imperfections. It is critical for any relationship to flourish. Moreover, when we’re firmly established in God’s love, His presence, His blessings, His peace will be the evidence.
Nobody likes a quarrelsome or troublesome person. In fact, nobody desires to live with such a person. The definition of such a person is one who causes difficulty or annoyance. I call such people men and women of war. They are never at peace when there is peace. They create something out of nothing, they find faults. They are never satisfied unless there is a fight!
Don’t take pride in being such a person. If some things must be discussed in your relationship or family, you don’t have to end up in a war zone. You see, the Scriptures call such people fools (Pro. 20:3). Whether you’re married or single, ask yourself, ‘am I such a person’? If you are, make some changes. That’s not a good trait to have so don’t be proud of being a troublemaker! Don’t be proud of being a concern in your home and to those around you. In fact, it should bother you if that’s how you are, as a Christian.
Humble yourself and ask God to help you prune such traits away. It’s so serious that the Scriptures tell us it’s better to live on the corner of the rooftop, risking your life, than to live with a contentious wife (Proverbs 25:24). It also says it’s better to live far away in the desert than with a nagging wife. I believe it goes both ways because some husbands have such traits. Be a man or woman of peace! The God kind of peace. If you’re a person of war, you can’t be spiritual, it’s impossible. The evidence will show in your output. Your spouse or those around you may be troublesome but that’s never an excuse to join them. Instead, handle issues with wisdom and let the life of Christ flow or if you.
Remember, we should do our very best to be at peace with all men (Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14) most especially at home! Single ladies and gentlemen, hear ye the word of the Lord😃: as you pray and watch for whatever you desire in a spouse, at the top of your list should be a person of peace. Don’t be sentimental; this is non-negotiable if you want to enjoy your marriage! – Kemi Oyedepo#marriage #light #wisdom #crisisproofyourfamily
— with Infinitjohn Orimisan.
Your spouse cannot complete you. They may try their best but they will fall short because they don’t have the ability to do what only God can do. They may actually really be wonderful individuals but they will at some point, disappoint you. When you know you are complete in Christ, you won’t look to your spouse as a source of your joy, your happiness or your completion.
They may add to your joy but they can’t be the source of it. If you see them as the source of your joy, every time they may offend you or do something you don’t like (those times will come), you will lose your joy. And no one should ever have the power to do that. Many are frustrated because they expect their spouse to complete theming even fulfil them.
When your focus is really on God, He gives you all you need to effectively handle every situation with wisdom. Remember that marriage begins with you (the individual). Refocus your direction to Jesus Christ; that’s where your true joy. Build and maintain a solid relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
As much as you and your spouse are one, salvation is a personal journey. 100% joy and completion is only available in Him, and when you are really rooted in Christ, no one and NO situation can take your joy or completion away from you! – Kemi Oyedepo #marriage #light #wisdom#crisisproofyourfamily
As someone who is born again, the number one place that your light should shine is in your family. In fact, soul winning should begin at home. Most times, we strive to ensure our lights shine brightest outside; to colleagues, church members, strangers and those that that we want to draw into the kingdom of God. However, every light shines brightest at its base (the home).
From your spouse, your children, your siblings, to your parents, etc; do they see the light of God in you? If your light is dim to the people closest to you, re-evaluate yourself. Is your lifestyle really reflecting Jesus? The words you speak, the things you do and the way you do them, etc. What are you reflecting? Who are you reflecting? If they are not born again yet, is your output strong enough to draw them closer to Jesus? Even your godly life can speak to them without any words and they can be won over into the kingdom (1 Peter 3:1).
After the life of Christ comes into us, we still have a duty to deliberately work on ourselves to change habits and character traits in us that may get in the way of the gospel we’re trying to “preach”. Apostle Paul tells us that when we put on the new man, we MUST put off the old man, we must get rid of anything that contradicts the new life we have inside us (Colossians 3). It is when people see your good works, that they will glorify your Father in heaven. It is when your family members see your good works, that they’ll be eager to come to the knowledge and acceptance of Christ.
While we’re called to “preach” the gospel wherever and whenever, if everyone is getting saved outside and those closest to you are not, it should concern you. It’s easy for those outside to accept you as you present yourself but your family members know the real you. Make sure that as you’re praying and travailing for their salvation, everything about you reflects the life of Christ in you. Blessed weekend! – Kemi Oyedepo#soulwinningbeginsathome #marriage #light #wisdom#crisisproofyourfamily #ontheroadtoido
Everything about marriage rises and falls on spirituality! Marriage is a spiritual house and you cannot build/maintain it in the energy of the flesh. Regardless of how long you’ve been married, if you don’t keep your spiritual life charged, the enemy will take charge of your home. In marriage, the enemy is prepared to throw so much at us and if we’re not ready, he’ll throw us off balance. Don’t build your home with carnal methods; it’ll get you nowhere. Stop being ruled by your emotions and feelings!
Remember- To be spiritually minded is life and peace; to be carnally minded is death (Romans 8:6). It’s not just saying that you’re spiritual that makes it so; if you’re spiritually minded, it’ll show in your words/conduct. If you’re spiritually minded, when things are not right in your relationship and family, you’ll do what it takes to kick anything contrary to peace out. You can’t claim to be spiritual and yet strife, unforgiveness, division, etc are allowed to linger. If you’re prayerful, the effects MUST show at home.
If things are not as they ought to be, stop ignoring or accepting it! Humbly seek the help of the Holy Spirit to show you what may have gone wrong so it can be corrected. 1 Corinthians 3:1- For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? You may feel your spouse is quarrelsome, remember it takes two to quarrel. Find ways to always promote peace! As long as you know what to do as a Christian, do it. If you keep yourself spiritually awake, you’ll find that with time, even your “quarrelsome” spouse will begin to calm down. But if you choose to join them in promoting division, at every opportunity, things will escalate.
Wisdom is profitable! Whatever you do, don’t suffer in silence. If your life is in danger, speak up! As you seek the help of the Holy Spirit, prayerfully also seek the help of mature counselors who can get you on the right track. If you’re still single, you’ll be wise to keep yourself spiritually alive from today. Not only will it help you in marriage, it will prevent you from saying “I do” to the wrong person.
If and when you find yourself in a heated discussion with your (potential) spouse, it’s always best to take a step back. Not just to calm down but also to pray. Even when you calm down, you may still end up saying things that you shouldn’t. Pray first so that your spirit subdues your flesh. That’s what’s important! Pray first so the Holy Spirit can give you utterance that will gain entrance into your (potential) spouse’s heart.
Pray first so you can access the wisdom of God to help diffuse any tension. In fact, prayer also helps you see where you may be the offender. You’ll be convicted and when that happens, be quick to take responsibility. It doesn’t mean the wrong behavior of the other person should not be addressed if they’re the offender but regardless of who is at fault, it’s unwise to let a heated atmosphere escalate. Especially when wisdom is at work in you.
Don’t be so bent on saying everything that’s on your mind at that moment or retaliating what may have been said or done to you. Guess what? That’s what the devil wants. He wants both people to keep going and going at each other until severe damage is done. Don’t be ignorant of his devices (2 Corinthians 2:11). I often like to say that even in marriage, we have to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
It may look like your spouse is the problem but it’s deeper than that. The devil is always lurking around to see how he can sow seeds of strife and chaos (1 Peter 5:8) Give him no place!
2 Corinthians 2:14; Romans 8:37
The devil will always fight a couple destined for greatness. You may be in a relationship now and you may be going through some challenging or trying times. Don’t just throw in the towel so easily especially if you are convinced that person is meant to be your spouse. This goes beyond settling differences between the two of you. All may be well with you both and you may see eye to eye on critical issues that will impact the home you intend to build.
However, there may be certain things that may be trying to stop your union from happening. It may be health related, financially related, even people related; it may be anything! If you’re 100% confident and you feel led by the Holy Spirit concerning that man or woman, you must be willing to stand together until you have the victory. That’s why it is not optional to be spiritually awake and alive. Don’t allow your emotions and feelings to overrule the voice of the Holy Spirit, if you want to be sure. This will keep you from wasting time fighting for something that isn’t meant to be. As long as God is in it, and you keep your faith alive, He would see you both through.
You may be married now and may be going through some trying times, the same applies. Instead of fighting against each other, accusing each other of being the adversary, stand together and fight against your common enemy, the devil. The devil will never be for marriage, especially where the couple stands strong in unity because he knows the power that lies within it.
He would never be for a marriage where forgiveness, tolerance, patience, etc flows freely. Don’t allow him to have the final say and don’t look at your home as irreparable. Everything may seem so damaged and broken now but God has everything it takes to put it back together again!
There will be moments when you have differences of opinions on certain topics but never allow those moments to have a negative impact on your relationship or family. Be willing to talk things through respectfully and find common ground. Be willing to compromise as required. Don’t be moved by your feelings or the need to prove your point; that’s unwise. Too often, the man wants to prove that he’s the “boss” while the woman also wants to prove that she also can think and before you know it, the conversation degenerates.
You’re not in competition; you’re on the same team working towards the same goals… at least you should be! That was God’s intention from the beginning. You’re both important in the marriage; no one is better than the other. Any competing or divisive spirit is ungodly. Remember that a house that’s divided just cannot stand. You may be trying so hard to build it but if the builders don’t have the same vision or if they are not going in the same direction, their labour will be wasted. We should be able to sit down and rub minds with each other concerning anything and everything!
If you feel that’s not possible yet, seek godly counsel. However, don’t make it a habit. Strive to handle any disagreements that arise without the constant need to get other people involved. That’s where maturity comes in! It’s time to get back on track; where you may be the cause of any offence, apologise and start over. Your most important concern should be that whatever decision is taken, moves the relationship and family forward.
Above all, be prayerful concerning everything about your relationship/family. And never forget that how we handle each other and the decisions we take, can only provoke progress when we remain a house, united!
Always look for the good in your spouse. No matter how ‘bad’ you think he or she may be, there is still some good in them. You also have some flaws that they have to accommodate. Marriage requires being able to bend as required. Don’t take out your frustrations or irritations on them. Do your best to handle their shortcomings and be determined to bring out the good, better and best in them. That’s how the best of marriages keep going strong.
What are those areas about your spouse that turn you off? Be prayerful concerning those areas of concern that you feel you may not be able to handle and God will give you wisdom on how to manage any otherwise unmanageable issues. Whatever you do, learn to be accommodating. No human being is perfect and a marriage according to God’s design requires us being able to look past each other’s imperfections even as we work towards continuous improvement in ourselves and in each other.
When we do this, the best in us, in our spouses and in our family life comes out which ultimately leads to a healthy and mutually satisfying marriage!