Category Archives: Q&A

Forgive or divorce?

QUESTION: My wife cheated on me and I am so hurt but I still love her. I’ve been advised to call it quits even though she is so remorseful. Should I forgive her or divorce her? I’m reminded that even Jesus said it’s okay to end a marriage on that basis.

………..

ANSWER: It’s true that Jesus said whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery unless his wife has been unfaithful (Matthew 19:9). However, in verse 8, He said although Moses permitted divorce, it was not what God had originally intended. God hates divorce because of the great damage it does so whatever we can do to prevent it, should be done. 

What your wife did was very wrong but I strongly believe that your marriage can survive adultery if you are both willing. Will it be easy? No. Will it require a lot of work to get over? Yes. Will it be worth it in the end? Absolutely. God can still heal your relationship and make you both one again. It’s very easy for people to tell you to call it quits but as hard as it may be, you have to be willing to minister grace to your wife.

While some marriages have completely broken down due to adultery, many homes have also been able to recover from it, and yours can too! Forgive and protect her from shame. Remember that Love covers a multitude of sins. Give her a chance to prove herself to be trustworthy again and consider what the loopholes may have been. What led her to do so, and how can it be avoided in the future?

Prayerfully seek godly counseling to help you through this tough process, and don’t give up easily. Give God’s Word a chance to work for you. In the energy of the flesh, it’s a hard thing but His Spirit is there to help our weaknesses; take advantage of this help.

Please limit the number of people that are informed of this situation and only disclose to those who can offer you genuine and godly counsel; those who are ready to help you both towards healing and restoration. May God give you answers of peace and make your marriage anew as you go through this process!

I’m praying for you! #kemioyedepo #cpyfqa #marriage#light #wisdom #crisisproofyourfamily

Q/A

QUESTION: I got pregnant and this has affected how I relate with my husband. I have two children already and I wasn’t ready for another one. My husband is fine with it but he feels sad because of my mood. I need counsel!

ANSWER: You have to stir up the joy of the Lord in you. Your sadness could be because of the additional responsibility on you, or the additional financial implications or anything else but remember that in everything, we must give thanks. You may have planned to have only two children so this caught you off guard. The Bible says we can make many plans but it is the Lords purpose that will prevail (Prov 19:21). And God’s purposes/plans are always good. Always!

Be at peace; all things work together for good. Don’t allow your mood to dampen your husband’s or the atmosphere in your home. Don’t push him away, instead lean on him for support and encouragement! Stir your spirit up with praise and worship songs, and meditate on scriptures to strengthen you emotionally and otherwise. Surround yourself with people who will also uplift you; and receive grace for the journey ahead.

Children are the heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward. Remember that there are many people who are literally longing for their own biological children! Focus on the positive side to this; This child that God has ‘forcefully’ sent to the earth will be a blessing to your family and to his or her generation!

There may be deeper reasons for your sadness with this pregnancy so please if you need help for your specific situation, prayerfully seek for a godly source who can stir you in the right direction. May God send you answers of Peace!

CPYF Q/A

QUESTION: How many years will it take a couple to understand each other?

ANSWER: Understanding your spouse is a continuous journey. It doesn’t end. Husbands are told to treat their wives with understanding as they live together (1 Peter 3:7). So it’s not a one time event. I often like to say that it’s important that you become a student of your spouse. Understand their peculiarities and way of thinking so you can adjust yourself to them.

If I understand my husband to be a certain way, I should be able to predict his actions or reactions, to a certain extent. If I know his backgrounds and experiences in life (which I should), I should be able to understand his opinions and viewpoints on certain issues. And if I understand his personality and character traits, that’s what helps me know how to approach him concerning certain issues.

Note that understanding and wisdom go hand in hand. Don’t approach your spouse based on how another person would approach their own spouse. I can’t say ‘but every man behaves like this’ so that means he also must do the same. No! It’s my duty to understand him as he is. Having said that, marriage is a learning institution, we’re expected to change and grow in it.

Hopefully the changes that take place in us will be positive changes but as we observe changes in our spouse, we have to keep adjusting to them. The husband or wife you married at 22, for example, won’t be the same at 32 or 40. You should have expected them to change and if you were paying attention, you would have noticed the changes. So understanding is continuous. Remember it is by understanding that a home remains established (Prov. 23:4).

If you need help for your specific situation, prayerfully seek for help from a godly source who can stir you in the right direction. May God send you answers of Peace!

CPYF Q/A

Question: Please I just need a little light. During a church gathering, I heard in my spirit to vow my 3 months salary if God blesses me with a job. My husband was not available so I couldn’t discuss it with him and I forgot to mention it. In Jan 2018, God blessed me with the job, but when I mentioned the vow to my husband, he said I shouldn’t go ahead with it; that I ought to have told him first. What is your advice? Should I leave my vow and just stick with what my husband said?would God be ok?

Answer: God bless you real good. My advice to you is that you hold on since your husband has said you shouldn’t do it. God knows your heart and He knows you made that vow with sincerity of heart. However, He also knows you’re a woman under authority. If you decide to go ahead and do it, it would cause unnecessary strife and division in your home, which should be avoided at all cost.

If you feel strongly about it, go to God in prayer to touch your husband’s heart, and you could speak to your husband again if that’s possible BUT don’t just go ahead without his agreement on it. If the funds are to be put towards certain expenses in the home, remember that both of you need to agree on these matters so don’t just do as you please. If you do, you’ll begin to spend unnecessary amount of energy on an avoidable issue. And please don’t worry, God will be just fine! Read up on Numbers 30:10-13. I believe those verses also have the answers you need. I hope this has been helpful.

Please note that this is my position on this and I stand by it. If you feel as if you need any additional counsel on this matter, please seek a godly counselor who will stir you in the right direction. May whatever step you take produce peace and blessings!

How does finding a wife work?

QUESTION: How does finding a wife work? Am I to find by myself? Am I to pray to God to show me clearly who to marry? What qualities do I need to look out for?

Answer: I understand that a man is to find a wife by himself and ask God to validate/endorse his choice (Prov.18:22). I also understand that God can direct your steps clearly to the woman that is appointed for you. Either way, as long as God is involved, you can’t miss it. You must subdue your flesh so you can clearly hear what the Spirit of the Lord is saying concerning a wife. The fact that a lady is nice, doesn’t necessarily make her the appointed one to join you in the journey of life.

While there are many qualities such as a woman who is hardworking, respectful, a team player, prayerful, etc. I’ll say one major quality you should pray for in a wife is that she is a woman of peace and she is understanding. The Scriptures say that “Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth but only the Lord can give an understanding/prudent wife” – Proverbs 19:14. Marriage will come with a lot of detours and some challenges, and as the leader of the home who may have to make some critical decisions, you can’t afford not to have an understanding wife.

Let me say this though, you must not be found taking advantage of the fact that she is understanding. Don’t behave as you please and think there won’t be consequences. Whatever you desire in her, should be found twice as much in you as the one leading the home. Although this question came from a man, I’ll advise ladies who desire to be married, to pray to be found without delays. Ask God to help you be at the right place at the right time and that His favour will cause you to be noticed, as you also consciously prepare yourself for marriage.

While doing all this, be at peace. If you’re anxious about marriage, you’ll end up making poor choices. Whatever you do, don’t force any relationship. Marriage is rightfully yours as you desire it but if you enter into it by all means, the consequences can be too costly. I hope this has been helpful.

How to deal with an extra-marital affair!

Question: I had an extramarital affair but I am now born again and have stopped. However, even though I believe God has forgiven me, and I have sought the forgiveness of my spouse, I still feel condemned and ashamed. Please advice me.

Answer: ,First of all, the truth is that an affair is a tough thing to get over because of the damage it causes in a marriage. However, there is nothing that cannot be repaired by God. Secondly, as long as you have sought God’s forgiveness, there is no need to still condemn yourself for the mistake you made. You’re born again so you are a new creature and old things have passed away. You must therefore wholeheartedly receive the forgiveness of God, shake off feelings of guilt by casting down condemning thoughts. Be assured that you have been cleansed from all unrighteousness. God is faithful; when God forgives, He forgives!

Thirdly, the complete forgiveness of your wife/husband is critical in order for your marriage to be restored. Earnestly seek their forgiveness and be ready to do what it takes to earn their trust back. Don’t expect this to be automatic; you have to prove yourself to be trustworthy again and it may take some time for your spouse to fully trust you again. Finally, you should also pray for them that their forgiveness is complete and seeds of bitterness don’t spring up in them.

You (as an individual or as a couple) would also benefit from some godly counseling from trustworthy sources that are geared towards offering you both the necessary encouragement and support on the road to healing and restoration. I trust this has been helpful and believe God that your home will not be destroyed! 

Question: How do I cope with a spouse that has an unteachable spirit?

Answer: First of all, I want you to know that there is nothing that prayer cannot handle. You may feel like the answer may take too long to come, but as long as you don’t give up, the answer will come. Remember that the heart of the king is in the hand of the Lord and He has what it takes to turn it whichever way He pleases (Proverbs 21:1). So I encourage you to commit your spouse to prayer.

An unteachable spirit is a product of pride. A proud person feels like they know it all and they have all the answers therefore, they never want to hear or think of an alternative. Pride is a destructive stronghold and you have to pray concerning that trait in your spouse so that stronghold can be broken. Ask God to release the spirit of humility upon them and help him/her see the error of their ways and correct their wrongdoings.

In all this, you have to be patient. Yes, you have to wear patience like a cloth because you will need a lot of it as you wait for the change you desire. Please note that as you wait, you can still get through to your spouse depending on how you approach them. Be wise with the way you manage yourself (words, attitude, etc) and situations in your home so peace can still reign.

A ‘my way or the highway’ mentality is very destructive in any home but it can be overcome depending on the process we follow. If you are someone who is unteachable or proud, please work on pruning that trait away. The Scriptures say that pride brings a person low and there is more hope for a fool than for a proud person (Prov. 26:12; Prov. 29:23). It’s not attractive and it will destroy your home if care is not taken.

If you happen to be in courtship with someone who has such traits, speak to them about it. If there are no improvements, do not get married otherwise that would be a huge prayer project in your marriage. The choice is yours! Please, if you feel you need further help to manage this situation, prayerfully seek it from a godly source you can speak to who will stir you in the right direction. May God send you answers of Peace!