The importance of going after the knowledge and understanding needed to run marriage and family effectively can’t be overemphasised. While wisdom builds a home, understanding establishes it, and knowledge fills the home with rare and precious jewels (Proverbs 24:3). Knowledge brings stability (Isaiah 33:6) and a person who lacks understanding is as good as dead (Proverbs 21:16).
Husbands are told to dwell with their wives according to knowledge (1 Peter 3:7) – I believe wives should do the same. While wisdom is the principal thing, we’re told it must be gotten with understanding (Proverbs 4:7). It’s obvious that the place of knowledge and understanding is crucial for any endeavour in life, including in the home. When a person lacks knowledge or understanding, a journey of 1 year can take 10 years! Resources and energy that could have been engaged in important things are wasted.
Even time that should be invested in being productive is lost. Too many families have been negatively impacted simply because knowledge and understanding is lacking. For every issue, there is a solution. It’s in God’s Word and in Holy Spirit (the most authentic marriage counsellor) inspired resource materials. No matter how long you’ve been married, if things are not working as they ought to, go after what you need. If you’re a single lady or gentleman, arm yourself appropriately. Marriage is not like everything else so you can never have too much information about it. Things won’t automatically change for the better for us without a deliberate and conscious effort to arm ourselves with the information (knowledge) and insight (understanding) that will help bring the best out of us and then out of our family life.
Read books, get counsel if necessary, just do what you need to do to get things right. Whatever you do, don’t wallow in pride and ignorance while your relationship suffers. The solution is readily available. Go after it and engage the truths you find. That is wisdom! Blessed weekend. – Kemi Oyedepo
Nobody likes a quarrelsome or troublesome person. In fact, nobody desires to live with such a person. The definition of such a person is one who causes difficulty or annoyance. I call such people men and women of war. They are never at peace when there is peace. They create something out of nothing, they find faults. They are never satisfied unless there is a fight!
Don’t take pride in being such a person. If some things must be discussed in your relationship or family, you don’t have to end up in a war zone. You see, the Scriptures call such people fools (Pro. 20:3). Whether you’re married or single, ask yourself, ‘am I such a person’? If you are, make some changes. That’s not a good trait to have so don’t be proud of being a troublemaker! Don’t be proud of being a concern in your home and to those around you. In fact, it should bother you if that’s how you are, as a Christian.
Humble yourself and ask God to help you prune such traits away. It’s so serious that the Scriptures tell us it’s better to live on the corner of the rooftop, risking your life, than to live with a contentious wife (Proverbs 25:24). It also says it’s better to live far away in the desert than with a nagging wife. I believe it goes both ways because some husbands have such traits. Be a man or woman of peace! The God kind of peace. If you’re a person of war, you can’t be spiritual, it’s impossible. The evidence will show in your output. Your spouse or those around you may be troublesome but that’s never an excuse to join them. Instead, handle issues with wisdom and let the life of Christ flow or if you.
Remember, we should do our very best to be at peace with all men (Romans 12:18, Hebrews 12:14) most especially at home! Single ladies and gentlemen, hear ye the word of the Lord😃: as you pray and watch for whatever you desire in a spouse, at the top of your list should be a person of peace. Don’t be sentimental; this is non-negotiable if you want to enjoy your marriage! – Kemi Oyedepo#marriage #light #wisdom #crisisproofyourfamily
— with Infinitjohn Orimisan.
Proverbs 22:3; Proverbs 27:12
Be sensitive enough to know when a relationship needs to end. There are many individuals in relationships that should end with speed! Many see the signs and know good and well that they and their potential spouse are just not compatible (able to coexist in peace and harmony) but they hold on to that relationship by a string, doing everything they can to make it work. You’ll be doing yourself more harm than good if that is your approach. It doesn’t matter how long that relationship has been, if you are not married, you are not married. 🙌🏾
Courtship and marriage can never and will never be the same thing. Yes, relationships require work and you sometimes have to resolve conflict to get to a place of peace but if you both keep putting in energy and you see clearly that it’s not working; you’re not of one mind, you don’t agree, you don’t share the same values, your spiritual life is going down the drain, that should tell you something. Even without anyone advising you, take the time to evaluate or assess that relationship; if you’re investing so much and you’re seeing zero results, it’s time to wake up! Don’t deceive yourself. Your life and peace of mind are more important than getting married.
At some point, you have to be real with yourself, break it off, learn from any mistakes and keep it moving. At first, it may feel like you’ll never be able to get over it but believe me you will. Jumping into another relationship is not the answer either. As long as you allow God to become your all in all and mend your broken heart, you will come out better. Marriage is absolutely good but you can still have an amazing and enjoyable time as a single lady or gentleman, chasing after God and fulfilling your purpose. If things are horrible while in courtship, they will not automatically become better just because you’ve said “I do”. Be wise!
I say it often and I mean it – it’s better to be joyfully single than miserably married so don’t force it. I’m praying for you – may you be sensitive enough to know if and when any relationship should not get to the altar.
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents BUT a prudent wife is from the Lord – Proverbs 19:14
As a single gentleman, your parents and those who love you can give you the finer things in life but NOBODY has what it takes to give you a prudent wife. Such a rare gift can come only from the Lord! The kind of wife you desire should be the one that only God can give. While you search to find, keepasking God to direct your steps to a woman who exhibits the traits of a prudent wife. Among other things, a prudent person is sensible, discreet, wise, considerate, understanding, resourceful, etc. That’s the kind of wife every man who wants a wife, needs.
Don’t find your wife alone, don’t search based on worldly standards. Your choice of a wife can either be your making or breaking so involve God every step of the way. It’s okay to be physically attracted to your potential wife but be more concerned about her traits and character. People can tell you how perfect a lady is for you based on what they see or what they know but it’s only God who knows the deep things of an individual. So even when it comes to finding a wife, ensure you are divinely guided! As you do so, make sure you are also working on yourself; prudence should also be evident in you (or a work in progress)! Even the woman you consider to be Mrs Right is hoping to be found by whom she also considers to be Mr Right so it shouldn’t be one sided.
As a single lady who desires to be found, develop traits in yourself that exhibit prudence, strive to be an excellent wife and commit the process of waiting into the hand of the Lord while also praying for a husband that only God can give. Only good and perfect gifts come from God so you can be at peace that as long as its in God’s hands, all will be well. Enjoy your season and let the joy of the Lord radiate from the inside out. At the right time, when both your paths cross, and you have the assurance and backing of the Holy Spirit, your relationship and ultimately marriage will be the type that only God can give! – Kemi Oyedepo #marriage #light #wisdom#crisisproofyourfamily #ontheroadtoido #prudence
2 Corinthians 2:14; Romans 8:37
The devil will always fight a couple destined for greatness. You may be in a relationship now and you may be going through some challenging or trying times. Don’t just throw in the towel so easily especially if you are convinced that person is meant to be your spouse. This goes beyond settling differences between the two of you. All may be well with you both and you may see eye to eye on critical issues that will impact the home you intend to build.
However, there may be certain things that may be trying to stop your union from happening. It may be health related, financially related, even people related; it may be anything! If you’re 100% confident and you feel led by the Holy Spirit concerning that man or woman, you must be willing to stand together until you have the victory. That’s why it is not optional to be spiritually awake and alive. Don’t allow your emotions and feelings to overrule the voice of the Holy Spirit, if you want to be sure. This will keep you from wasting time fighting for something that isn’t meant to be. As long as God is in it, and you keep your faith alive, He would see you both through.
You may be married now and may be going through some trying times, the same applies. Instead of fighting against each other, accusing each other of being the adversary, stand together and fight against your common enemy, the devil. The devil will never be for marriage, especially where the couple stands strong in unity because he knows the power that lies within it.
He would never be for a marriage where forgiveness, tolerance, patience, etc flows freely. Don’t allow him to have the final say and don’t look at your home as irreparable. Everything may seem so damaged and broken now but God has everything it takes to put it back together again!
As you wait to get married, deliberately prepare yourself to be an asset in the life of your spouse. An asset is a useful or valuable thing or person. Be determined to be just that! Don’t just keep hoping and praying for an amazing spouse. Plan on being one too. Plan on being useful in the life of your future spouse. It’s human nature to think about what others can do for us so its no surprise that for most people, even marriage is about what they can get out of it.
Change your approach; what can you add to another individual and relationship? Don’t just hope and pray for someone, consider how you can be useful to their own life and destiny as well. A spouse who is an asset is invaluable; like a rare treasure. Their presence cannot be ignored. Even their spouse takes great pride in them and wants to show them off. Don’t allow yourself to be a liability. One definition is a person or thing whose presence is embarrassing or puts others at a disadvantage.
Nobody likes a liability! A liability is like a burden or a weight. Such a person often lacks wisdom and the ability to manage themselves appropriately. Discipline yourself to be responsible, prudent, goal oriented, self controlled, etc. Add value to yourself so you can add value to your relationship and marriage when the time comes.
There’s no better time to start than now! And as you do, enjoy the process; after all it’s for the good of your future home! This is a critical but often overlooked factor when preparing for marriage. As you desire to get married, ensure you’re able to answer this question sincerely – am I a liability or an asset? You know! Kemi Oyedepo #ontheroadtoido#marriage #light #wisdom #crisisproofyourfamily
As a lady who is looking forward to marriage, ensure the gentleman you are dating is someone whose judgement you trust and whose leadership ability, you are confident in. Don’t overlook this! There will be (many) situations when he would have to take the lead in the decision making for your family and you’d have to be able to give him room to do so. Watch him; how does he manage his own life? How does he relate with those around him?
Be observant! You can tell the traits of a good leader by observation. If you’re not sure of his ability to lead you and your family on the right path, particularly as the Holy Spirit leads, wisdom demands that you don’t get married yet. Many wives are unsure of the decisions their husbands make so they begin to disregard their husbands authority and do as they please. This not to undermine your role as a wife; we as wives are equally important and a wise and confident husband will lead with meekness (as Christ) and also respect the opinions and input of his wife. But he cannot delegate his God given responsibility to his wife.
There is nothing worse than when a leader lacks the trust and respect of their followers. There’ll be chaos and confusion. Of course as a wife, you’ll have to keep praying for him to take steps as led by God but if you question his decisions now; if you don’t respect him now; if he is irresponsible now; if he cannot discipline himself and package himself with confidence now, if he lacks the traits of a good leader (honesty, confidence, vision, respect/consideration for others, effective communicator, etc), think twice! – Kemi Oyedepo#ontheroadtoido #marriage #light #wisdom
Who you are as a single individual is a reflection of who you’ll be as a husband or wife. It’s up to you to be self aware and tackle any habits or character traits that already is or could be problematic in your relationship leading to marriage. No one has that responsibility but you; no one can change for you but you. Don’t just expect that person to accept you as you are and leave it there.
While that is necessary, it’s also important to self examine yourself and adjust accordingly to the observations and input of the other person ESPECIALLY if it’s a cause of friction in your relationship. Don’t watch these things negatively affect your relationship with your eyes wide open. You wonder what the problem is while it’s staring at you in the face. Be quick about accepting responsibility and be quick about working on yourself before you get married. Marriage won’t automatically make you a better person.
And it’s wise not to spend your entire courtship season dealing with tension and friction; courtship should also be an enjoyable time of your life. It’s time to refresh your thinking and have the mentality that “the pathway to an enjoyable relationship and family life starts with me.” Then behave accordingly. If you’re with someone who couldn’t care less about tackling friction points and would rather maintain a tension filled and toxic relationship with you, run for YOUR life!
I really think that too much emphasis is placed on physical attraction in relationships. In fact, too many people are beginning to think that’s the major thing that guarantees the sustenance of a relationship or marriage. That’s a big error! There is nothing wrong with being physically attracted to a potential spouse or ensuring you are physically attractive but it’s so important to know that while your physical appearance may attract many ladies and gentlemen to you, it’s your character, your attitude, your personality traits that determine how long that attraction lasts.
It’s not your beauty or good looks that determine how well a relationship/marriage goes; it’s deeper than that. Too many single ladies and gentlemen do a lot to ensure they are physically enticing but everything else about them is far from how they look. There are many good looking men and women who are trouble makers, who lack integrity, who are lazy, who are not caring, and are full of pride, etc. Pay careful attention to what people can’t physically see; that’s what matters more. In many homes today, the problem is not usually the physical appearance of the husband or the wife. A husband looks good but he is a chronic liar, a fault finder, or irresponsible. A wife is gorgeous but her words pierce like a sword, leaving very deep wounds, or she’s an untidy woman. Such individuals are automatically unattractive and that marriage will be on shaky ground.
It’s no wonder that everything about God begins with the inward appearance, begins with how we manage ourselves; because that’s the real us. People get carried away with how we look but after a while, the real us must emerge. That’s why the Scriptures say beauty is fleeting; meaning it lasts for a short time. Our good looks can’t conceal the real us. We all have some things we need to work on so they don’t become or remain an issue in marriage; so WORK ON THEM! As you package yourself to be attractive, ensure every other part of you meets up. How you look is not the main thing that will keep your relationship and ultimately your marriage together; it’s much much MUCH deeper than that. Be wise!
I’ll keep stressing this!
Marriage is for responsible adults, not for joksters or those who don’t hold the institution in high regard. It’s not for those who still want to just do what they like without thinking; neither is it for those who want go and come as they please without being accountable to another person. It requires us laying aside some immature behaviours of thinking only of ourselves, and accommodating/acknowledging the presence of another individual.
If you’re not ready to accept and adhere to the demands of it, don’t get into it just yet. Don’t get married for the sake of it so you don’t become a concern to your spouse and even your children. If you’re in a relationship with an irresponsible individual, someone who toys with your emotions and couldn’t care less about you or anything, I’m not too sure what you expect in marriage. Marriage doesn’t automatically change a person. The willingness to change is what changes a person.
Whatever a person is as a single lady or gentleman is what they’ll be as a spouse. Marriage only amplifies who/what we already are. Don’t willingly put yourself through unnecessary headaches and heartaches especially when the signs are clearly in front of you.
Marriage = responsibility! Its not necessarily about age but the mindset of the individuals. Marriage is not just fun and games (although it should be a lot of FUN). However, while it should be thoroughly enjoyed, the demands of it cannot be ignored if we want to experience the best of God in it!